


the blue skies of the Force

by fireworkrainouts



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: "that's probably not how the Force works", Anakin-centric, Character Death, Everyone Needs A Hug, Force Ghosts, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Padmé saves Anakin, ROTS-finale AU, Self-Sacrifice, more or less, things go... differently
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-09-27 04:34:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20401744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireworkrainouts/pseuds/fireworkrainouts
Summary: Things go differently in the Chancellor's office, leaving a heartbroken Anakin, a galaxy in chaos and the Jedi destroyed....but maybe it's still possible to find the light?





	1. 1 / Anakin Skywalker

**Author's Note:**

> hi, and welcome to my first published fanfiction work ever! I hope you enjoy!

Anakin Skywalker was tired. Tired out of his mind. His brain wasn't working, his lungs weren't working and everything was falling apart with such speed he couldn't really comprehend it. Somehow, his legs were still moving forward, and he was afraid that if he stopped moving them now, he'd never be able to move himself again, so he kept on going.

Coruscant's lower levels were not new to him. He'd been there before, and he knew the place and the kind of beings who spent time there. Right now, Anakin didn't really care who saw him and who didn't. He should, he absolutely should, he should care for the people he didn't want to think about. Caring about himself was harder than he would've expected. Anakin knew that his number one priority was getting off this planet, but he had no energy to make up some sneaky plan to get out. His thoughts were a blur and he was happy (well, not happy; Anakin felt sure he could never feel happy again) that he was zoning out all the time, because facing his thoughts might destroy his already weak self.

Suddenly, Anakin felt something distantly familiar. He was sure he'd felt that before, but he couldn't really put a hand on what it was. Or who it was. Or where it was. He had no idea what he was feeling, but he couldn't feel worry anywhere. At least not worry for himself.

"What the hell, Anakin?" asked a voice behind him.

Anakin turned around as quickly as he could, but didn't take his lightsaber in his hand. He didn't have any energy left to fight anyone.

The figure in front of him was none other than Ferus Olin. He was older and taller than he was all those years ago, and his face was shadowed by the hood that was on his head, but it was definitely Ferus standing in front of Anakin. No doubt.

"You shouldn't be here," Ferus continued quietly. His voice was panicked and he spoke in a rush.

Anakin just shrugged. He tried to speak, but his jaw was stiff and his tongue felt too big in his mouth. He tried to do something, but he couldn’t because he'd stopped walking and now he couldn't move.

"You need to - what - the chancellor gave the order… and the Temple was on fire…" Ferus trails off, eyeing Anakin from head to toe. "Are you alright? Why are you here? Shouldn't you flee… unless… are you with them?"

Somewhere in the back of Anakin's head something clicked, and a strong feeling of something rushed through his body. He wasn't entirely sure what to do or say - should he do or say anything at all? -, so he remained silent. Not that he'd been able to do anything, anyway.

"Are you, Anakin?" Ferus practically shouted, backing away from him, face becoming red. "Did you take part in slaughtering jedi? In slaughtering _innocent children_?"

Anakin felt a bile rise in his throat. He felt a new wave of nausea hit him. Anakin knew everything had gone wrong, and that everything was lost. He'd known it the second the chancellor told him the truth, but he didn't accept it. Not until the jedi had gone to arrest Palpatine. Not until Anakin had found all the jedi sent to arrest Palpatine - all but Windu - lying dead on the floor, killed by Sidious. Not until he and Windu had argued about letting Sidious live. Not until Padmé had showed up, angry, thunderous and accusing Palpatine of betraying her and the republic as a whole. Not until Darth Sidious struck her down along with Mace Windu.

It was an accident, he'd said.

He thought Padmé was going to shoot him, he'd said.

He would never forgive himself, he'd said.

He did the wrong thing, he'd said.

Anakin was absolutely right, he'd said.

His anger was right, he'd said.

The jedi brought her here, he'd said.

They wanted her as a bait, he'd said.

Use your anger, he'd said.

Execute order 66, he'd said, and Anakin's world exploded into pieces so little there was no way for him to collect them all back.

Anakin fell down on all fours and threw up. His body was trembling and his vision went black. All life that had once been inside him, bubbling with joy and the excitement of being alive, was now gone. He was just an empty shell with nothing to live for. Anakin Skywalker might've been the chosen one, but he didn't want it. The prophecy took everything from him.

And now, Ferus Olin was standing in front of him, his lightsaber throwing green light on his face, revealing old scars and the angry, glaring eyes that made Anakin's shell tremble even worse. Not in fear, but in hatred. Hatred that was directed only at himself. Because Anakin had failed.

Anakin hadn't saved Padmé and their unborn child from his nightmares.

Anakin hadn't saved Obi-Wan Kenobi from order 66.

Anakin hadn't saved the Jedi or their younglings from the slaughter.

Anakin hadn't saved the clones from becoming mindless killers.

Anakin hadn't saved his mum from the sand people.

Anakin hadn't saved the slaves on Tatooine from slavery.

The prophecy had failed.

The Chosen one had failed, but Ferus Olin didn't strike Anakin Skywalker down for it, because despite everything, he hadn't murdered anyone, and Ferus knew that, he could likely sense it. Anakin hadn't done what Sidious asked him, after all. He'd marched into the Temple, he'd acted as one of the clones, but he hadn't killed anyone, not a clone, not a jedi, because he didn't want to feel any more. He'd backed out. He'd been hit by the force of the jedi dying. He'd been hit by a wave of loss, of death, and he'd almost blacked out from pain. He'd ran straight out, knowing that there was no point in trying to save the Temple, or the clones, or the jedi. He knew that if he stayed, he'd die no matter what the prophecy said. Anakin Skywalker ran, trying to shake away the visions, trying to shake away the thought that Padmé was dead, Obi-Wan was going to die like the jedi in his head did, like the jedi in the Temple and the realization that who he thought Palpatine was was now dead and that the real him was Sidious, a sith lord. A sith lord Anakin was destined to kill. A sith lord Anakin failed to kill.

Ferus crouched down next to him. He deactivated his lightsaber with a piercing hiss. He put his hand around Anakin's back, trying to help (or comfort) him.

"Anakin, what _happened_?"

Anakin couldn't answer. He stared at the small bile of vomit on the ground. He tried to remember what he had eaten earlier, but he couldn't. It was like everything was a whole lifetime away. Maybe it was, because Anakin felt dead.

"Are you wounded? Oh, _Force_, Anakin, what -"

Ferus took his hand back, and when Anakin saw it from the corner of his eye, it was soaked in blood. Was that Ferus' blood? Was he going to die too? Or was it Anakin's own? Was Anakin bleeding? When had that happened?

"Why - what? Were you at the Temple? Were you shot, or -" Ferus sounded frantic. He helped Anakin into a sitting position and tried to get Anakin's tunic out of the way so he could… see the wound? Was Anakin wounded? 

Anakin stretched his senses, and yes, his side did feel wet with something. He touched it with his own hand, and yes, he was bleeding. Anakin winced, but his mind was empty and he didn't do anything. What could he do? Wouldn't it be better if he -

"We need to get the bleeding to stop," Ferus said firmly, holding Anakin's elbow to support him. "And we need to get to somewhere safer than this."

Then he frowned. "Can you do that, Anakin? Stand up?"

Anakin nodded slowly. Maybe he could. He owed that to Ferus, after all that had happened. After all the death Anakin had caused by failing. They both stood up, Anakin's feet trembling under him and Ferus standing right next to him, practically holding him up. Anakin just followed Ferus where he lead him. At some point, it crossed his mind that Ferus might be part of some plan to capture Anakin, but he didn't care. Almost everything he had was lost, and Anakin was happy to cling to this last piece of the past he had left. The last thing that still existed, the only thing that kept him up. The last and only thing keeping him away from the pain and suffering of others that was raging on his head, distracting him from the fact that he felt every single death like his own. Even if it was his old rival from years ago.

"Please answer me," Ferus' voice pleaded, and Anakin was pulled out of the dark nothingness he was stuck in.

Somehow, he was still standing. The world swayed a little, and went black again. Ferus guided him down to sit on something, and did something by his side. Anakin turned slightly to face him.

"What happened? Please, Anakin, I need to know what happened," Ferus repeated desperately, and then added: "Even if the Temple wasn't your home, it was always mine. Even if the Jedi weren't your family, _they were always mine_, Anakin."

Anakin just stared emptily. He knew he should answer Ferus. Ferus was crying, clenching his hands to fists so hard his knuckles were white. Anakin felt something move inside him, and he opened his mouth slowly, with great effort.

"Palpatine… Sidious." Anakin blinked, and felt confused, like he himself was just learning this. "He… killed… Windu. And. The clones."

That probably didn't sound accurate in Ferus' ears for all he knew the clones were behind the massacre, but in Anakin's mind he knew it was true, it had to be. Sidious had to kill the clones too. The clones he knew - Rex, Jesse, Fox, Echo, Cody and all of the squad he had loved - would never, ever, take part in such… slaughter. They had to be dead. Their souls ripped away, replaced with orders they couldn't fight. Anakin felt his brain almost shatter with the force of the grief he felt for the clones, for all of the clones he'd proudly called his brothers, for all the clones that had _never wanted this_.

"But the Temple! What - they're all dead, aren't they? We're the only… ones… left. Your master? Is he gone, too? Weren't you with him?"

Anakin almost blacked out.

Obi-Wan Kenobi.

His master that had taught him everything.

His brother that he kept so many secrets from.

His mentor that got him through the darkest of times.

His best friend that stood by him no matter what.

_Obi-Wan_.

Anakin Skywalker ached all over in a way he was positive could never be healed. The Force was crashing on him in a way he'd never experienced before. He racked his brain, because despite never wanting to face Obi-Wan's death, he had to know how it happened. He had to be there for his brother, however much it would hurt him.

But the absolute weight of the thousands upon thousands of deaths kept all connections and bonds under, and Anakin was lost in the midst of it all. He was trapped in the endless screaming and a choir of last breaths. Ferus' hand was on his back, making comforting circles, and somehow Fers knew what Anakin was thinking.

Although it was propably easy to guess what was going on when he saw Anakin's reaction.

"Do you know for sure he's dead? Anakin, did you see it? It could be he's hiding himself or something. Please hold on to hope if there is any."

His voice was desperate. Pleading. Telling Anakin not to lose himself in his grief. Anakin stared into Ferus' eyes, and saw an endless sea of pain. A forever expanding, mercilessly torturing pain that was the death of the Jedi who Ferus considered his family.

Anakin Skywalker didn't want false hope. He'd been crushed by Obi-Wan's death three times: at the time of Jabiim when he was captured by Asajj Ventress, the second time was when Obi-Wan faked his death for the Rako Hardeen mission, and finally this awful day. The day of the order 66.

Anakin Skywalker didn't want to give up on his brother. He saw desperation in Ferus' eyes. He knew that Ferus had to be right. There was no reason for him to assume Obi-Wan was gone. Obi-Wan Kenobi was a clever and a very gifted man. He might have a chance to handle this. Still, there was this nagging feeling of dread in the back of Anakin's mind saying that Sidious was also a terrifying genius, that was set on destroying Anakin's life.

Destroying Anakin's life and taking the ashes to build a new, darker one. One that Sidious could use as he liked. One that Anakin had no control of. That life didn't include Obi-Wan, he was sure of it, and right now all he wanted was Obi-Wan Kenobi. His brother, the only one that he could still consider family.

And that was why Anakin Skywalker nodded. His body was aching for Obi-Wan, it needed to feel his presence and hear his voice. There was no way he could ever give up on Obi-Wan, he never had and he never would. Ferus had forced him to face that, and Anakin was unsure of whether he was grateful or angry. The only feelings he had in his head were messed up versions of pain, desperation and terrification.

Anakin and Ferus just sat there. Anakin was without a tunic, his upper body bare and metallic arm clearly visible. He noticed Ferus looking at it, but neither of them said anything. Ferus had scars too, they'd both been through a lot. A war. A whole lifetime worth of pain, but they had even more ahead of them. They had to face what was the hardest and most painful thing ever. Something with the size of something they could never even imagine. They were in this together.

Maybe that was why they didn't move away from each other. Maybe that’s why they stayed on Ferus'… sofa? Maybe that was why Ferus leaned his head on Anakin's shoulder and cried. Maybe that was why Anakin pulled a dirty cloth over them both and leaned backwards, unable to cry a single tear. Maybe that was why he put his arm around Ferus. Maybe that was why Ferus did the same. Maybe that was why Anakin closed his eyes and hoped that there would be no tomorrow. Maybe that was why Ferus closed his eyes and hoped tomorrow it would turn out all of this was just a great nightmare.

And maybe that's why they fell asleep together.

* * *

The morning was one of the most painful things Anakin Skywalker had ever gone through. His body was on actual fire, and his head was definitely exploding. It was full of death, full of pain and full of so much suffering, it was too much, too much for Anakin to handle. Too much for anyone to handle. Anakin wanted to scream his pain out but he couldn't, he was drowning in the sea of pleading, desperate voices begging for their life, choking on the cries of children, burning in the pain of death. His body was out of his control, fighting for a relief, desperately reaching for an ease, but there wasn't any in sight. Anakin's mind just wouldn't shut down, it wouldn't let him just black out, it would torture him to the end of time.

"Anakin!"

A voice. A distraction, a lifeline, something to hold onto, something that could carry him out of this whirlwind that was killing him, something he would never let go of.

"Don't you fucking die on me!"

Anakin wished he was dead. It would be so much better than this. He wished to be one with the Force, he longed for it with all he had, but there was no escape for him. He would, somehow, keep his head above water. Anakin knew he couldn't die now. For the sake of this voice, he'd pull out of this. He’d get over the endless visions and voices.

When his vision and hearing returned hours later, Anakin was sweating, completely out of breath and wanted nothing more than the sweet release of sleep. His muscles were aching, his heart was pounding with no real rhythm, his blood was boiling from the heat from his mind. Anakin was on overdrive. The rational part of his mind told him he probably had a high fever and other aftereffects of feeling so much in the Force. His eyes recognized the crouched figure of Ferus Olin near him in the corner. He was breathing harshly, but huge relief could be seen sparkling in his eyes and a ghost of a smile on his lips, although it was only a hollow copy, an unrealistic clone. Anakin leaned forward and hugged Ferus tightly. They were in this together, they had no choice.

"We'll look for Obi-Wan," Ferus promised. "We'll find him, too. Wherever he is, now."

Meaning they'd find Obi-Wan even if he wasn't with them here, in this life, anymore. They'd look in the Force. Anakin hugged Ferus tighter.

"We need to get out of here, too. This is as far from safe as possible."

"Mm. Not yet. Soon."

"Soon," Ferus echoed.

Silence returned. Anakin felt panic rise again. Of course he wanted to find Obi-Wan, but there was a small problem. Going outside meant facing everything he'd already went through in his mind. Going outside this apartment - Ferus' apartment? - meant facing reality in its most cruel form. It meant being on the run again. It meant constantly being on alert, it meant fighting, it meant thinking, it meant making plans, it meant getting no rest for a long time. It meant doing all the things he'd done in the past with Obi-Wan. It meant doing things he’d done for years now. It meant putting the last remains of himself out there, knowing that if he died the prophecy that had ruled for most of his life was false, and that Anakin's whole life was based on a lie.

Going outside meant facing the possibility of having to go through the last few things Anakin feared anymore. There weren't many anymore, but miraculously not all was lost, Anakin realized. He had the hope of Obi-Wan being alive. He had his own free mind, that could make decisions, good or bad. He had memories of a good life, memories of love, something to look forward to experience again. He had Ferus Olin, his former rival, his only companion on this lonely road to likely destruction.

Of course it wasn’t much, but he had something. He was scared, he was absolutely terrified, of losing the little he had left, but he felt air come and go in his lungs. He heard all the words, he lived through his memories, the ones he held close to his heart -

_"Anakin, my son, even though we’re stuck in this dust, please remember: I love you.” _

_“You’re a person, Anakin, never forget that.” _

_"Oh, Anakin." _

_"Of course I came for you, Anakin." _

_"Anakin Skywalker, I love you." _

_"I do." _

_“I couldn’t have had someone better.” _

_“Nice one, Skyguy.” _

_“The best General out there, that he is.” _

_"You are strong and wise, Anakin, and I'm very proud of you." _

\- and all of that reminded him of what he had to do once he had fully healed.

Which lead him to staring at Ferus Olin's eyes, throwing his arms around Ferus once again and collapsing onto the bed. The two of them were pressed against each other so close there was nothing between them. No air, no space. Anakin Skywalker had never been good at letting go, but he was excellent at holding on for his life. He closed his eyes, breathed in, and hoped to fall asleep soon. He felt Ferus' weight half on his chest, and he hoped it would still be there the next day.

"You're alive," Ferus whispered to the darkness, and Anakin felt something warm and wet on his shoulder. Ferus was crying, and Anakin wished he could somehow get even closer to Ferus' body. He wished he could offer comfort somehow.

"You didn't leave me alone," Ferus continued, and Anakin understood. He understood the fear of being all alone in this world, in this place with nothing friendly towards Ferus, in this place that had no one Ferus could turn to, no one he could trust, no one that will share this massive burden. Anakin was glad for not being alone, too.

"Never," Anakin replies, and although his voice is barely above a whisper, it means so much. Anakin doesn't want to be alone ever again, and he doesn't want to leave anyone. Ever.

Years ago, Anakin would've been disgusted at the thought of being this physically close to the annoying and easily dislikeable Ferus Olin. Now, Anakin was beyond grateful of just having someone. Of having someone to hold close, having someone that held him close, having someone that could breathe in the same rhythm in this mess.

Even if it was Ferus. Especially if it was Ferus.

Ferus promised to help look for Obi-Wan. Ferus was the only person he actually had in the present, the only one actually being here, and Anakin was so grateful for it he found no words.

* * *

Anakin woke up gasping for air, screams still echoing in his ears before he properly shook himself. He checked his surroundings: he was still in the dark, quiet apartment of Ferus, lying on a broken sofa. Ferus was curled up against him, seemingly asleep but Anakin knew better.

"Nightmare?" he heard Ferus ask, voice muffled for he spoke against Anakin's shoulder.

"Mmm-hmm."

Anakin knew that sleep was something he wouldn't get for the rest of the night. He couldn't really move, either, because that way he would shift Ferus, and he didn't want that. Ferus was now fully awake as well, though, and already sitting up. They managed to get into an upwards position.

"Were you in the Temple? Yesterday?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"Did you see Sidious?"

Anakin hesitated for a second.

"Mmm-hmm."

"Did… did he attack you? Or, I mean, you are… or were, I don't… I don't know."

"He. Um. Not… me. He… he killed…" and Anakin realised he couldn't say it out loud. He had to, he had to, he had to be brave enough to face it. He'd failed, he had to at least have it in himself to admit it.

Ferus didn't press, but he was waiting. He wanted to know which brothers or sisters he had lost to Sidious last night, which brothers or sisters would he never meet again. Little did he know what Anakin had lost. His blood-related family, the only family he was actually related to.

"He. He killed - my… he killed - Kit Fisto, Saesee… Tiin, and. Agen Kolar. And," Anakin paused, trying to find the memory of the chancellor's office, the memory of finding the Jedi lying dead on the floor, the memory of running hastily through the room full of panic, the memory of nausea, the memory of white lightning that he remembered experiencing himself at Geonosis.

White lightning had come out from Palpatine's hands, and Anakin knew he was dead. Sidious was going to kill Windu, he had killed the other Jedi now lying unmoving in the hallway. Still, the memory of Palpatine was fresh in his mind, the memory of the man that had always supported him, the man that had lifted Anakin up when he had been stuck in the mud. Anakin had held onto hope that something was left of that man, because he couldn’t stand the thought that all of it had been fake, all of it had been just manipulation and scheming.

He also wished Palpatine had the power that could save Padmé. Whether he did or not, Anakin never found out. He would never find out, because Padmé was dead.

Padmé Amidala.

Padmé Naberrie.

Padmé.

Padmé Amidala Skywalker.

The powerful and loved senator from Naboo.

Anakin Skywalker's wife.

The mother of his unborn child.

The light of Anakin's life.

The one Anakin had been fighting for all this time.

The woman Anakin had loved with everything he had.

The woman that could see the truth.

Padmé Amidala, the senator who shot at Chancellor Palpatine in an attempt to kill him. Padmé Amidala, the woman who was killed, murdered, and now dead amongst the others.

"Anakin?"

"Padmé."

"Who?"

"He," Anakin begun, and decided not to be afraid of the name, "Sidious, killed. He killed her. Padmé. Amidala. The, um, senator."

"Oh. Was she - you were close?"

Anakin reached forward to get his tunic. In the right pocket, the smallest one that was hidden inside, the one not visible to anyone, was a ring. It was the wedding ring of Anakin Skywalker, with the date, their names and the place carved to the inside. Anakin took it between his fingers, not daring to put it on. Ferus saw it, and he heard Ferus inhale very sharply.

"Oh - oh. Anakin. Shit. I'm - oh, Force. I'm sorry. Wasn't she - oh, shit, Anakin."

Anakin was breathing. He tried to concentrate on that, but Padmé was all over his mind. Padmé was sitting in front of him on the sofa of her apartment with a life-saving smile, Padmé was standing behind him, massaging his shoulders, asking what was wrong, Padmé was sitting beside him whilst leaning her head on his shoulder, Padmé was calling him to come eat while putting the table ready - Padmé was holding his head and looking him straight in the eye and telling him she was pregnant. Now, it was all gone, all lost, and Anakin was crying.

* * *

Ferus wanted to see the Temple before leaving Coruscant. Or what was left of it. They had to work a long way through the streets, constantly on alert, constantly looking around in fear, but they made it. It was a stupid and an incredibly dangerous idea, but Anakin didn't care. Ferus deserved to get his wish through, and besides, they had no real plan of getting off Coruscant yet.

Anakin looked to his left to see Ferus' teary eyes stare at the ruins of the beloved Temple. Ferus had been right - it was never home for Anakin - but Anakin's heart hurt, his head hurt, and he wished he could've prevented this. He held Ferus back for a moment, because Anakin knew better than anyone that what you've seen you can never unsee. The Temple hid the most terrifying things inside itself. Things Anakin had both seen and felt, things that still made his blood freeze and his head dizzy.

"Are you. Um. Sure?" Anakin's voice was raspy and he had serious trouble in forming words, but he was getting there.

Ferus nodded. "Yes. Just - don't leave me."

Anakin shook his head and squeezed Ferus' hand.

"Promise?"

"I. I - I promise," Anakin managed.

Ferus nodded again, and slowly stepped forward. He pulled Anakin lightly, as a sign to follow. Anakin did, reluctantly, but did anyway.

The Temple was worse than he'd expected. Or maybe it was exactly what he had expected. Dead bodies lying everywhere. There were clones laying on the ground too, and Anakin felt his lungs being crushed just by the smell of it, and the sight of how both of the fighters, enemies and protectors, were laying just as still and dead. Clones that Anakin recognized amongst Jedi Anakin recognized. It was the 501st, Anakin realized with nausea. His legion. The clones he had lead through numerous battles.

He had to look away.

Ferus wasn't doing much better. He was shaking and crying and dangerously close to completely breaking down. Anakin guided him through the destroyed halls, through the sea of corpses. He wasn't sure where they were headed. It seemed to get worse by the second, and suddenly Anakin realized exactly what they were going towards. Ferus noticed too, and gasped. Anakin held him up, afraid that Ferus would collapse.

The younglings. All dead, all unmoving. Nothing could beat this grief. No one was spared, and Anakin despised himself for not even trying to save these poor souls. The remains of the rational part of his brain told him he'd be lying amongst them if he had stayed, but still. He could've tried something. He could've reasoned with the clones. The clones he once loved, still loved. Was Rex lying dead somewhere, too?

Moving forward, Anakin felt something. It was like the wind. It was something that made him stop in his tracks, something so achingly familiar. His senses - including the Force - were all sort of… sore? and he couldn't use them at all. Anakin glanced at Ferus, whose expression was full of bewilderment. They looked at each other for a small moment, before holding each other's hands again and breaking into a run. It felt wrong to speed past all these broken bodies, but Anakin felt something so strong, so warm, and he had to find out what it was. His distorted senses screamed at him to run faster, to hurry up. Maybe Ferus knew what they were heading towards, maybe he was just as confused as Anakin. They both still ran harder than ever, until they reached the front of the room that held all the security recordings.

Anakin Skywalker swore he could never experience such a strong feeling again. His face lit up in less than a second - it changed from the fearful, hasty eyes looking around in confusion and - well, hope. Ferus next to him stiffened too, and Anakin lost control of himself. His body was full of fireworks, full of brightness and everlasting _lightness_ and he was so glad he was breathing.

"Anakin!" shouted a strained voice.

Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan was standing there, eyes wide open, gaping at Anakin and Ferus in the doorway. Nothing else mattered. Nothing else could ever matter. He ran. Anakin's feet were lighter than ever and they moved beneath him. His body was screaming for him to move quicker, and he crashed into Obi-Wan. They were instantly glued into each other, hands around each other, squeezing them together. Blood was rushing in Anakin's ears the Force was singing, but he could still hear Obi-Wan speak.

"I thought - oh, oh, oh Force, I thought I'd lost, Anakin, I thought… oh, Anakin, I…" Obi-Wan Kenobi was unable to finish his sentences, any of them, but not a single cell in Anakin's body cared.

Hands were rubbing his back, Anakin was crying, sobbing, he was afraid that just moving would make Obi-Wan disappear, would make his voice disappear, would make his warmth disappear. He would have to let go eventually, he knew, but _this_ moment felt so good.

Pulling back, Anakin saw Obi-Wan was almost as big of a mess as he himself was. Red cheeks and eyes, tears sliding down their faces… it was hard to look at anything else, but Anakin knew he'd had to do that too. He saw Ferus talking with Yoda. They weren't embracing each other warmly, but Ferus seemed so relieved to meet Yoda again Anakin felt his own heart ache at all of this. His trembling hands were held by Obi-Wan's trembling hands, and he was calm, he was safe, if just for a moment.

"You. You're. You're - you're back. Y-you didn't, um. Didn't leave me."

"No. Of course not, Anakin. I'm here. I'm here, I'm here, I'm here."

Nothing master Yoda had ever said about attachment was true, because love felt good, love was lighting up all the candles in the dark, love was igniting Anakin. Anakin leaned on the bond that was stronger than ever, and he felt high on the feeling of dizzying happiness.

Speaking of master Yoda, he was standing in the room, looking right at Anakin and Anakin was filled with shame and pain of failure and the knowledge of him being the lifeline of the Jedi. The knowledge he'd already failed once. The knowledge that he'd not been in the Temple during it's downfall. That he'd fled. Bail Organa was staring at him.

"Wait, aren't you supposed to be the Chosen One? Then why didn't you -"

_Why didn't you kill Sidious? Why didn't you end this all before it even started? Why are there dead children laying in the hallway?_

That stung.

"Questions, we have, young Skywalker," Yoda said calmly, and Anakin realized that they must've seen him march inside in the security recording of the events that took place.

They must've seen how he'd never even held his lightsaber in his hand.

They must've seen him freeze in the midst of it all.

They must've seen how none of the clones never even tried to shoot him.

They must've seen a small girl hide behind Anakin.

They must've seen Anakin almost have a seizure when noticing the child.

They must've seen how Anakin screamed out in pain and sunk to his knees.

They must've seen how without Anakin as cover, the little girl was shot to death.

Anakin's mouth was dry and he felt nauseous, but he nodded.

"I, um. Can't. Um."

He looked at Ferus desperately, hoping that Ferus would realize Anakin needed him to speak up, to explain Anakin was unable to do the smallest things because he'd failed and everything was in pieces.

"Anakin can't speak properly, yet," Ferus said without breaking eye contact with Anakin. "After the Temple was… attacked, we've been hiding together at the lower levels of Coruscant."

"With Sidious, what happened?"

"I uh, found. Found out. He. Palpatine, told, um, told. Me. I told, Windu - master, um Windu. Windu, uh. Went to - um - arrest. With others. Other, other, Jedi," Anakin stammered, each word a battle of making sounds that made sense.

His head was a raging storm, and finding words was a vicious fight. Forming sentences that meant something was felt impossible. He stared at his feet, hoping to manage even this small thing.

"They, master Fisto, uh. I’m not… Fisto, Tiin, and, Kolar, Agen, Agen Kolar. Sidious killed, them. No, not. Not Windu. Windu… fight... Fought back. And. Then I. I wanted to, see, be there, because… I, uh. I saw, Palpatine… turn. Um. Into Sidious. There was, there was that, that, lightning. But, Windu, he, he didn't lose. Yet."

Anakin felt his brain practically shut down. He couldn't find any words for what was next. He wasn't ready to tell what was next. It was all a big mess, a big mess, and he was in no state to go through it again so quickly. The ring in his tunic was on fire and burned his chest accusingly.

Ferus caught on. "And how did the attack on the Temple happen?"

"He, um. Wanted to, uh. He. He wanted to, make, make me. His, his apprentice? I didn't - I couldn't - I. I wasn't really, really there. I'm not, sure, sure what he. What he, uh, tell - told me. I came, I came here. My comm was, um, was broken. I, uh, Sidious had, clones, clones follow me around, at, um, at the senate. Then, uh, I, um, came here, and. Well. It, it, hurt. A lot. I - order 66. It. Pierce. Pierced my, um," Anakin pointed at his head and hoped they'd get it.

"In between these two stories, what happened?"

Anakin couldn't speak about that. No one knew about anything, except for him and Sidious. No one knew how he'd protected Sidious, no one knew how he'd held Mace Windu back, nobody knew how he'd wanted to learn Sith techniques to save his wife. If he didn't tell them, it never happened. Even if Sidious ever told them otherwise, surely they'd take Anakin's word over Sidious'. Anakin was certain of it.

Ferus came closer to him, and took his real hand in his own. "I'll tell them my part, ok?"

Anakin nodded, and zoned out. He noticed Bail Organa reappear in the room as well, but didn't say anything. The voices were distant and he couldn't understand a word. Until he heard two loud gasps, and he knew what Ferus had said. Still, he opened his eyes to see Bail Organa's shocked face along with Obi-Wan's stricken one.

"But… she was pregnant… is the child -"

Anakin wished he hadn't heard anything. Wished he didn't exist, wished he hadn't just realized his child was dead. And then the horrification hit him like a spaceship, because Force wasn't mourning just one child of Padmé Amidala, but two. Padmé had carried twins. Anakin lost them both. He lost Padmé. He lost all three of them. He lost his family.

The Force was mourning with him, coming down to him like a soft blanket, letting him get warm in its love. He heard a whisper in his ear, a laugh, a small, giddy laugh. The laugh of a baby. The laughter of two babies, and Anakin was aching to get closer to them, longing to see the two, squeezing his eyes shut and stretching his mind to its extreme. He caught sight of two light figures, before it's gone and the Force gently pushed him back to the world, back to the wall he's leaning against, in front of worried faces.

Anakin's face was wet with tears, but he didn't even attempt to wipe them away. He knew his children are there, with him, in the Force. He looked around and saw Obi-Wan, who was his family, maybe not blood-related, but Obi-Wan didn't need to be that to be part of Anakin's family.

He saw Ferus, who somehow was his friend in this mess, despite all of the things that had happened in the past.

Anakin Skywalker felt his family that wasn’t here, too -

Anakin Skywalker felt the Force.

Anakin Skywalker is the son of the Force.

The Force is his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that was chapter 1! 
> 
> thanks for reading :)
> 
> also I'm still kind of figuring out how the site works, so if you find any mistakes, please notify me.


	2. 2 / Ferus Olin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Empire has risen, but so has the Rebellion. With Anakin Skywalker on its side, things get very intense, very fast.
> 
> Chapter two, through the eyes of Ferus Olin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again! here we go for chapter 2!
> 
> earlier than expected, maybe, but the rest of my week is really busy so I decided to do this now :)
> 
> this is Ferus' POV, as the title suggests.
> 
> as for chapter 3: I'm not very sure when I have the time to post it (the most work is with the editing: these two were quite ready but the other three aren't), but at it's latest... let's say next week, I like optimism. I'll try for the weekend, though!

Ferus Olin was worried. Worried out of his mind. No matter what Obi-Wan told him, he wouldn't calm down. He'd tried to contact Rex, too, but received no answer and it made him insane. Yoda had been cryptic as hell when Ferus asked him whether Yoda happened to know anything that was to come, so that didn't help either. He tried to breathe slower, tried to make his racing heart slow down and cursed himself for being injured at this time.

Pacing around - well, hobbling around - didn't help Ferus relax either. The pain that shot up his body every time he put weight on his right foot did keep him nicely on alert and sharp, which was great because that prevented his brain from becoming a blurry mess of worry and anxiousness. He wondered whether calling Obi-Wan again would be too soon. It hadn't been too many minutes since the last call, so maybe he should wait for a little while.

But then again he really, really wanted to call again. Ferus contemplated breaking out of the med ward and running to the communication center which received all the information. He'd be in very serious trouble if he did, both because the healer would probably bully him into oblivion and because his health wasn't at its highest point, but Ferus didn't really care. He stopped his pacing to reach out with the Force to find everyone that he should feel was still alive. Of course, with further prodding he found out a few missing presences, but as awful as it was to admit it, they weren't the most important people. They weren't people that almost made Ferus cry from frustration and uncertainty of the situation.

He glared at his foot, hating every single bit of himself for not being out there today. Technically, he  _ had _ been there already, but not in highpoint of the mission. That's where he should be. Obi-Wan should've been there too, but like Ferus, he wasn't physically well enough to go. Ferus would've liked to argue that at least half of the men and women participating in the mission were somehow injured or not at their full potential, but he never got the chance.

"Jedi Olin, I'd like you to calm down," said the medic taking caring of him in his most pleasant tone, although Ferus could sense the passive-aggressiveness radiating from him. "And please sit. You're not helping your leg, at all."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Ferus muttered half-heartedly, tapping the floor with his better foot anxiously, not even bothering to correct the medic and tell him that Ferus left the Jedi Order many years ago.   


"Fuck!" yelled a voice in the hallway, and an upset looking young twi'lek made her way into Ferus' room.

"Hera?" Ferus asked worriedly. "What's - what's wrong?"

The young twi'lek swallowed. She had been too young (she was only fourteen, Ferus reminded himself) to be allowed to join the crew. "We lost contact with them. No replies, no nothing. They're still by the Imperial ship, but we have no way of knowing what's going on."

Ferus felt his body freeze, and cold water being thrown in him. His mind was empty, and he had no idea what to do. This couldn't be happening, right?

"No, shit, shit, shit, no no no." 

"I know," Hera whispered, tears forming in her eyes. "I hoped  _ so hard _ , Ferus, so  _ fucking hard _ that this would succeed. And - and he's -  _ he's _ there, Ferus, what if we -"

Ferus Olin refused to let his brain explore that path, he refused to ever even think about it. His stomach turned and he wanted to throw up, but there's nothing to throw up and he was too worried to waste his time on throwing up anyway.

"Hera! Get back here!" yelled the medic in charge of Hera, her voice strained and face white. "You can't run off like that, do you know the risks -"

She continued blabbering, her face full of worry and Ferus recognized the same desperation he felt. This was destroying them, completely destroying them, and their worlds - what was left of them - could collapse any second now.

"Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan hasn't let me know," Ferus stammered, staring at his silent comm.

"He's probably in shock," said another voice quietly from behind him, and Ferus turned to see the almost teary but fierce face of Ahsoka Tano. "Shit, I don't have the words to express how much I hate myself for not being out there right now."

Ferus made a noise of agreement. He stared at the wall, feeling his eyes get wet too, but he shrugged away the information he received and decided he needed a few moments of naiveness. He needed a few moments of faith. He had faith in them succeeding, didn't he? Yet the Force was screaming with loss, it was intensifying every second and he knew that their time was almost up, people were dying. He felt a pain pierce his chest, and he knew Jyn Erso was gone, dead, now. He felt more painful stings, and Ferus got more scared by the second.

"I need to get to the comm center. To Obi-Wan. He can't face this alone," Ferus spoke, knowing that he couldn't face this alone either. The medic stared at him with a mournful expression, but didn't say anything.

Ferus didn't feel pain when rushing out of the room. He was numb, and afraid for the biggest blow - the realization that the mission had failed, that they had failed, that _he_ had failed… Ferus needed Obi-Wan. He couldn't deal with his head alone, and neither could Obi-Wan, of course.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi!" Ferus shouted the second he reached the right floor. 

Obi-Wan's face appeared from where it had been hiding behind his hands. Ferus noticed sweat on his forehead and a few rogue tears. Rogue tears. Fitting.

"There's nothing?" Ferus demanded, feeling the fire inside him intensity.

Obi-Wan shook his head, and all of him was screaming that he had given up. Ferus was a little disappointed, because he had to believe it was all going to get better.

He heard footsteps and knew that Ahsoka and Hera along with a young Padawan that went by the name Caleb Dume. He recognized other people come closer too, and they formed a circle of grief. Ferus refused to take part in such nonsense.

"We have to believe," he said out loud. "We have to. We can't give up on them, ever."

"Ferus, you have to have felt the loss. There's no way anyone can turn the situation around, not even... him," Obi-Wan managed to say, and his voice was hoarse and wavering.

Ahsoka put a hand on Ferus' shoulder and Hera sobbed. Caleb refused all eye contact.

"Where's Wolffe?" Ferus asked, too tired to argue with anyone. 

"Coming, probably."

Ferus leaned against the nearest wall, waiting until he felt a familiar presence join them. Wolffe's distressed form appeared, and Ferus all but ran to him.

"They haven't lost yet, they'll come back, right?" he asked, eyes desperate, almost falling in the other man's arms.

"I really fucking want to believe so," Wolffe replied, expression hard, healthy hand clenched into a fist.

Then, just a moment later, Ferus Olin finally got what he had so desperately been waiting for. His body felt like it was just starting to burn more and more, and his eyes were full with determination.

"Their ship is approaching!" screamed a woman. "Still no contact, but oh shit, they're coming!"

The floor was suddenly a mess. Everyone was in a giant hurry to the hangar. Ferus was on actual fire, but he wasn't in pain. He wished he could teleport down, walking was so slow, so slow, so slow.

Every second was stretching into an infinity, and fear had made a home in the bottom of Ferus' stomach. What if the ship didn't hold in the people he so desperately wanted it to hold? What if this was some cruel joke from the Empire, some plan to kill the last sparkles of the Rebellion left. The Force was on fire, too, no warnings, no death, just pure fire and Ferus had an idea why that might be but he didn't dare think about it more.

"Here, they're here," someone yelled, Ferus could no longer focus on who exactly it was, because this was it.

His hand flew to his lightsaber, ready to fight. The ship in front of him was dangerously throwing shadows around it, but then the doors opened.

Anakin Skywalker ran out of the ship, and the hangar exploded into sound.

Anakin Skywalker stared straight into Ferus' eyes, his eyes on fire, and a intense look on his face. Or an insane look, it was all the same.

"We got it!" he yelled, above the mess. "We did it!"

Ferus was the closest to him, and saw Anakin's condition. There was blood on his cheek, not only his own. In his hair, on his clothes, and Ferus felt shivers go up his spine, because this slaughter reminded him of the one a few years ago. Anakin's shoulder was very obviously hit by a blaster bolt, and his legs didn't look so great either, but - 

Anakin was standing.

Anakin was alive.

Ferus Olin wrapped him into the tightest hug ever, holding onto him as strong as possible, not caring any injuries Anakin might have - or the ones Ferus knew he himself had. 

Anakin was back home safe and alive, and Ferus felt himself relax.

* * *

"Damn, you got really beaten up," Anakin remarked, sitting down next to Ferus.

Ferus glared at him. Ferus had a black eye, bruising along his cheek, a broken nose, a broken rib and a dislocated shoulder, while all Anakin had suffered was a simple nosebleed, despite it all being his fault. Momentarily, Ferus wished he could punch Anakin, but that faded away very quickly.

"Anakin, you crashed  _ the fucking ship _ ," Ferus reminded angrily.

Anakin smiled, and leaned against Ferus' better side, the one that wasn't all messed up, and threw his arm around his shoulders.

"I mean, we would've been shot dead otherwise."

Ferus leaned into his touch and sighed. Of course he knew that. The other ship flying with them had exploded, and Ferus knew just how lucky he was to be flying with Anakin. Ferus appreciated that he'd been able to open his eyes after the crash landing, and he had been even more joyed when he found out that Anakin was all well. Ferus Olin just hated always living on the edge.

First, he was in the Clone Wars.

Then, this mess started.

There was no vacation, no rest in the Rebellion. Something was happening all the time, and being one of the only surviving Jedi left, Ferus felt like he had to be involved in every operation everywhere. Of course things were worse with Anakin, who felt every loss and defeat way harder than any of them, and on top of it all he had to carry the reputation of the Chosen One that had failed the Jedi.

Ferus wanted to sleep so badly, but everything hurt and he just couldn't. Frustration was growing inside him, but there was nothing he could do. Anakin, obviously, sensed it and ran a hand through Ferus' hair, and leaned backwards so that they were lying down. Anakin reached for the blanket, and pulled it over them, and Ferus tried to find a position where he didn't want to scream out in pain.

"I don't think I can go on like this much longer," Ferus whispered, because that's what he felt.

He was in despair, because this never seemed to end and he needed rest.

The war raged on.

Innocent souls had their lives taken.

Ferus could've helped.

Ferus could still help, but it was _so exhausting_.

Nothing ever made sense, and it all hurt.

It. All. Hurt. Ferus didn't think he remembered a time where it didn't, and that made it all even more terrifying. He had no safe memories to go back to.

He was so afraid, too.

Afraid they would lose this war despite everything they’d done, despite everything they’d sacrificed..

Afraid he'd die before witnessing them win.

Afraid Anakin would die before witnessing them win.

Afraid he'd die alone.

Afraid Anakin would die alone.

Afraid Anakin would die without Ferus. Or the other way around.

Maybe the Jedi were onto something with their no attachment-rule, but Ferus could never deny that this felt right, that this was safe, because laying in this pathetic excuse of a bed with Anakin made him survive in this war with no end in sight. Anakin was here with him, still, and he hadn't broken the promise Ferus had forced him to make. 

"Are you mad I crashed the ship?" Anakin whispered back to him.

Anakin was also here to ask ridiculous questions. Ferus couldn't help but smile a little. He was warm and allowed himself a little feeling of happiness.

"No. Of course not. You saved my life, you damn idiot."

Anakin carefully stroked hair off Ferus' face. "I'm sorry you guys got hurt so bad, it was all happening too fast and when the other ship exploded, I lost focus, and -"

"Don't worry about it," Ferus replied, a little too loudly, a little too quickly, and he felt Anakin's hands squeeze him a little bit tighter.

Not tight enough to hurt him. Anakin never hurt him, and Ferus was upset that Anakin couldn't see it himself. Ferus didn't remember when was the last time Anakin  _ hadn't _ saved the day,  _ hadn't _ rescued someone. It stung that Anakin didn't feel as appreciated as he made Ferus feel. Ferus sighed and closed his eyes, because nothing was simple anymore.

Nothing but this. Being here right now was simple. It was simple how easily Anakin's fingers ran through Ferus' hair, it was simple how Ferus could relax with him, it was simple how they could talk about anything, it was simple how they could say nothing and still be the closest to complete possible with each other.

Sometimes Ferus had wondered whether it - whatever it was, between them - actually was as perfect as he had described in his head. Whether his exhausted, longing brain wanted it to be like that, but it actually wasn't. In moments like these, he could see that it absolutely was. This was the only light he found, and he gladly took it.

"Stop thinking so much," Anakin mumbled, already half asleep, fingers still slowly stroking Ferus' hair, and Ferus almost laughed out loud, because if this wasn't the definition of hypocrisy he didn't know what was.

"Ditto," Ferus whispered, but reached his hand around Anakin anyway, so that he could tickle his neck. 

The corners if Anakin's lips curved into a small smile, and he let a long breath out through his nose, eyes closed. Ferus closed his own, and felt the hand in his hair stop and Anakin's breaths slow down and even out. Ferus tried to get his own breathing to match. He moved very slightly, accidentally disturbing Anakin, who didn't seem grumpy at all, just pulled Ferus closer.

Ferus felt sleep slowly but surely take over him, and he let it. In this short moment, he was safe.

* * *

Ferus winced with every step he took. This rescue was escalating in such speed Ferus had no control over it. Also, he had no idea what to do. His body shook with shivers, and Ferus wished he wasn't alone. This place was evil, hostile, and full of so much darkness it clenched around Ferus' heart and dimmed his anger into numbness and fear.

Dammit. He wasn't supposed to be such a wimp, he just needed to go forward. Of course he would, there was no doubt, but he was still scared.

"Ferus Olin, come in!"

"Yeah, here," Ferus answered forgetting all the formal check-in answers he'd learned.

Then again, Anakin was in charge of checking, so there was no formal needed.

"I don't know where the _hell_ you are right now, nor do I remember where you should be, but you better be in one piece when we leave this forsaken place," he heard Anakin's voice growl, and Ferus stifled a laugh.

"Aye aye, general. Ferus Olin out, I guess."

And back was the quietness and dark. Ferus' panic was growing louder in his head every second, despite nothing actually happening. Maybe the panic was the Force trying to warn him. Ferus stopped to properly listen, and heard distant footsteps. Urgent footsteps. Coming to his direction. They were echoing painfully, every step a loud crash in Ferus' ears, and he froze completely.

A figure made it into his vision. Ferus noticed it as one of the inquisitors, and he reluctantly took his lightsaber in his hand. He wasn't sure he could survive this fight, in fact he strongly doubted it, but he had no choice. 

Ferus Olin didn't give up.

Not even if he was unable to properly walk or breathe, because giving up was for beginners. That's what Anakin had once said, half passed out, bleeding and all around near death. It had made Ferus laugh despite the serious situation, and he had laughed from the bottom of his stomach because it was all so wrong. 

The inquisitor didn't say anything to him, just attacked, and Ferus was already behind, he ignited his lightsaber a beat too late, and ended up defending from the very start. She swung with such great power it caught Ferus off guard, and he got a nasty burn on his forearm. Ferus didn't lose his balance, though, and kept on going. He refused to go out this way.

Ferus hadn't said goodbye to Anakin yet.

That, if something, was a good reason to not die yet.

Ferus was now completely the defending party, his body slowly betraying him, his blocks coming last second, just before it was too late, and they were more panicked every time. This was not going good at all. In normal circumstances Ferus might've won this fight, but he was on the verge of collapsing. He was angry at himself for not being enough, for not winning this fight, for dying this early.

Ferus pulled his lightsaber back right in front of himself, and the inquisitor's clashed against it instead of Ferus' neck. It was too close, Ferus was slipping, the inquisitor was gaining power every second. Then, he sensed something approaching, his brain too tired and too focused on his own fight to recognize who it was but he begged the Force that it wouldn't be another inquisitor, because that would mean Ferus' time was up and that he'd be done for.

It wasn't an inquisitor. It was Ahsoka Tano, the former padawan of Anakin Skywalker, and Ferus had never been so relieved in his life, if he wasn't counting the night he found Anakin on the lower levels of Coruscant and found out that he wasn't alone after all.

"Back down, and do what you have to ," Ahsoka told him, and Ferus did, because he knew that he'd be more harm than help in this fight.

His comm was flashing - privat channel -, and he answered it reluctantly, afraid what was to come.

"Knight Olin!" Rex's voice greeted him. "Your position?"

Oh, yeah, Ferus had a mission to accomplish.

"Was attacked by an inquisitor. Ahsoka saved my ass. She's fighting her right now, I think," Ferus explained slowly while trying to run forward instead of staggering from one side of the hallway to other. "You?"

Rex cursed on the other side. "Not great, sir. It's a bloodbath over here."

"And Anakin? Any news on him?"

"No, sir. Was hoping you'd know something about him, we're waiting for him here."

Ferus cursed, too, and reached out with the Force. Anakin was alive, of course, Ferus would've felt it if he'd died. Of his location, Ferus didn't know.

"Oh. That's… unfortunate. I kind of need him to finish as well before starting the countdown over here."

"I know, sir. I guess we'll have to just wait. Would've been more comfortable knowing what's keeping the general, but this is what we have. Rex out."

Indeed, this was what they had. Ferus took off his backpack filled with bombs, and stared at them for a while. He had time now, having reached his destination. All he needed to do know was plant them, set them on, and run. Before he could do that, he needed confirmation that Anakin was done with his part, though.

A monster inside his chest was whispering things Ferus would've rather not thought about. His hands were trembling, his whole body was trembling, and they were running out of time. Ferus stared at his comm, hoping it would flash into life.

Miraculously, it did.

"Skywalker in, go for it!" Anakin's raspy voice yelled and the comm was dead again.

That was all. No position, no nothing, but it was a green light and Ferus took it. He knew that after this they would actually have a timer. 

Ferus had a job, and despite all doubts he'd have to fulfill it. He took in a breath and tapped their open line (which everyone heard without answering), so that everyone would know that their time was limited and it was time to leave altogether.

"Ferus Olin here," he said, remembering last second that they officially used his last name, not first. "All clear?"

"Yes, sir," Rex replied instantly, he was the second side bomber. "On three?"

"On three," agreed Gregor, the first side bomber.

"On three," echoed Obi-Wan, the fourth side bomber.

"On three," Ferus repeated, the third side bomber, a little late.

After their short countdown begun the big countdown. For a second Ferus stayed still watching the soundless bombs he'd placed near the not yet ready reactor of the Death Star, feeling something close to nausea. These bombs were no small ordinary bombs. He'd had trouble carrying just three of them, and they looked equally terrifying. The destruction they'd cause was enormous, especially with nine more around the side plus smaller ones that would explode when the big ones did.

Remembering that he'd die if he stayed, he ran back towards his starting point, heart in his throat, and found no Ahsoka and no inquisitor on his way back. It could both be worrying and relieving.

Jumping over a few dead bodies of the Stormtroopers, Ferus reached the hangar, which was also a bloodbath. Around the floor lay Stormtroopers, workers of the Death Star, rebels, all kinds of people, and Ferus realized in horrification that it was very quiet. In his head, he could hear the ticking of time, but besides that, there was nothing.

Ferus Olin was the only alive being in the hangar, and there were no signs others were coming.

That meant that if everyone failed to show up before the timer's light went red, Ferus would have to leave alone. Ferus would have to leave them here, to explode and die with the rest of the Death Star.

The Death Star would live up to its name.

Terrification settled in Ferus' stomach. Surely Gregor should be here, at least? He had the shortest route back. Or Ahsoka, what was her role, again? Surely she was coming? Or Anakin, who had reported that he was done? He should've immediately headed back here, but Ferus couldn't sense Anakin anywhere near.

Footsteps, several of them.

"Rex! Wolffe!" Ferus shouted to them when they made it into the hangar, and relief washed over him.

"Good to see you, too," Rex replied, before letting his face fall in realization. "We're the only ones here, sir?"

"Yeah," Ferus said quietly, his hands trembling even worse. 

"Oh." 

Panic was growing inside him. This couldn't be all that was left. What would he tell Caleb and Hera, who had no future unless they gave them one? What _could_ he tell them?

More footsteps could be heard, of one person, and this time Ferus had enough sense in himself to at least take out his lightsaber.

Ahsoka Tano ran into the hangar.

"Commander," Rex greeted, sounding relieved.

Ahsoka didn't look relieved, she was tense. "Gregor's shot. I managed to kill them before they could do anything to the bombs, though."

Silence. Ferus felt his heart race uncomfortably fast. This day had not gone as planned, but as expected. Of course they all knew that this would require more than one death, but facing reality was another thing. Hearing you'd lost one of your friends, one of your allies, was a whole another thing.

More footsteps, this time there had to be more than just one person. They weren't running. Ferus and Ahsoka both ignited their lightsabers, because there was too much at risk, and having your lightsaber ready gave a safer feeling.

Obi-Wan Kenobi was panting, a trickle of blood running down his face. He was sideways to the hangar, and fighting someone that Ferus couldn't properly see from where he was standing. Ahsoka shot into action, and went to help Obi-Wan. Ferus followed her, although he was unsure of how much he could actually do.

Ferus noticed this someone as another inquisitor. The inquisitor was clearly exhausted, and Ferus knew that this was another person losing their life on the Death Star.

Sure enough, Ahsoka's lightsaber went through his body and he fell to the ground. They went back to the ship, standing in a circle, staring at each other in sorrow. Their silent grieving was interrupted with a piercingly loud and high beeping sound, followed by two more. The timers, all three of them, had reached the end of their countdown meaning that they only had a short while to get out.

The beeping echoed hollowly in the hangar.

"Anakin," Obi-Wan said hoarsely.

"We have to go," Rex said grimly.

"I'll stay back," Obi-Wan replied very quietly. "I can't leave him again."

"Nonsense," Ferus all but yelled, the nerves and pain and grief making him explode. "We made a deal - no staying back or willingly sacrificing yourself if you can be saved! Anakin wouldn't want you to die for nothing, hells, he'll kill you himself if he finds you! Get in the ship, we're leaving."

Silence, except for Ferus' words that still echoed in the hangar with the beeping.

Ferus' comm was suddenly alive, too, and so was everyone else's, so it was the open emergency channel everyone heard without having to answer it. Hope filled Ferus, Anakin had to be coming, he had to, he had promised. For a second they could only hear silence and they shared a look, but then Anakin's loud voice filled the hangar.

"Time's up, I won't be making it… there in time! If anyone is enough of an idiot to play hero, I'll haunt them for an eternity, but now, go!" Anakin sounded very out of breath, and he was apparently moving very quickly, too, which made his voice muffled and unclear, but the message was simple.

Go.

"Love you all," Anakin's voice said and it was over.

* * *

Obi-Wan was crying, Ahsoka was crying, Ferus was numb. A few seconds and the bombs would explode. It was crazy, but then the darkness exploded and Ferus' heart clenched. 

Then he realized something was amiss. Something wasn't like he'd thought. The blow didn't feel big enough, the Force wasn't screaming.

Ahsoka was still crying, but Obi-Wan was frozen in his place. He looked at Ferus, his eyes wide. Rex realized something was happening, too, and asked about it.

"Anakin is alive. I don't know where he is, but he isn't dead."

* * *

After they'd received coordinates from Anakin with the text "this is it, Sidious is here" and the secret code that confirmed that this wasn't a trap, the Rebellion decided to attack. It was a mystery how Anakin ended up in the base, but it didn't matter. This could be it, this could end the Empire. 

That was why Ferus was now running around the base, with healthy legs and full potential, looking for Anakin Skywalker. That was his mission, help Anakin. Anakin would be looking for Sidious, obviously, in the means of killing him. Ferus didn't want him to be alone, and they could never trust Sidious to play fairly. There was the possibility of Sidious asking his guards to participate in the fight, which would make it an unfair fight. Obi-Wan was supposed to come along, too, but he wasn't there just yet. Ferus hoped he was alright.

Ferus reached the room Sidious would likely be in at the same time as Anakin. The two of them crashed into each other with such intensity Ferus almost fell. He couldn't, for a moment, tell where his body ended and Anakin's started, because they were so tightly wrapped around each other.

Then the moment of magic was over, and they pulled apart. Anakin wiped tears off Ferus' face and Ferus wiped tears off Anakin's face, and they laughed happily, because this wasn't it yet. They were together again, friends reunited, the promise between them never broken. 

The last mountain was to be conquered, and while still laughing Anakin pressed the button of the door of the Emperor. The doors didn't open.

"Oh, come on, what the hell," Anakin mumbled and ignited his lightsaber and cut a large circle into the door. He winked at Ferus before kicking it.

Anyone else would've broken their foot trying the same, but Anakin Skywalker used the Force to kick the circle with such power it flew through the room in the other side.

"After you?" Ferus offered with a smile.

"Thanks," Anakin said with a grin and went in. 

Ferus went through the door behind him, and held back a gasp. The room they came in wasn't a room, but an enormous hall. In the middle of it, there was a staircase that lead to a chair. A chair in which the Emperor, Sidious, undoubtedly sat in. Next to the chair stood tall a young man that Ferus recognized as Sidious' apprentice.

Around the hall were guards. Many of them. Maybe ten, in total, not that Ferus was counting. Anakin was already jumping up the stairs with such speed Ferus had trouble keeping up with him. This was probably a bad idea, but Anakin trusted him and Ferus trusted Anakin.

Which was the most unbelievable future he'd ended up in. Ferus wished he could go back in time and see his young self's face when he told him how close he'd end up with the arrogant brat Anakin Skywalker, and that they'd trust each other with their lives and have an insanely strong bond.

Ferus wished he could tell his younger self that Anakin _wasn't_ an arrogant brat, but a kid looking for validation and seeing Ferus as a threat, someone he had to compete against. A kid that needed the validation, because he'd lost the person he'd been dependent on and was looking for a replacement.

Maybe their friendship - or whatever it was - was only possible after the gigantic mess that had happened. Ferus didn't really care, he was happy to have Anakin by his side.

"Skywalker," Sidious said, turning around in his chair and almost making Ferus laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. "I see you didn't come alone."

Anakin stood still on the second highest step, and Ferus stopped moving behind him.

"In all fairness, you're not exactly alone either," Anakin pointed out calmly, but Ferus knew Anakin was itching to attack Sidious.

Sidious' apprentice moved his feet impatiently, clearly completely ready to attack, too. Sidious eyed Ferus, and Ferus met his gaze steadily, hiding his terror somewhere deep inside himself.

"Guards," Sidious said in a cold voice. "You take care of the spare."

_ I'm the spare _ , Ferus thought, but wasn't angry. His body was full with excitement and purpose. Anakin , half in front of him, seemed to tense a little, almost unnoticeably so. He was nervous for Ferus. Ferus smiled at Anakin's back, and briefly touched his hand before turning around to face the guards that were running up towards him. 

This time Ferus was ready, prepared, full of energy, full of power. He was clearly the one without any advantages, the fight being ten on one, but he didn't care. He could do this. With a quick glance, he saw Anakin fighting against Sidious' apprentice. Anakin didn't need any help with that, this was just warm-up for him. 

Ferus tired to concentrate on himself and what he was doing. Ten guards at the same time was hard - every tine he hit one, that guard would back out to recover and someone else appeared in their place. Ferus got no rest.

After his first kill, he called the double-blade lightsaber of the guard in his own hand so he could use it. Fighting with two lightsabers while facing multiple opponents was easier. Ferus wasn't too familiar with the double-blade, but it was what he got so he used it.

Another quick glance to the side - Anakin was still against the apprentice, but it was only a matter of time until he won, because the apprentice was clearly the one defending.

Ferus gained power from seeing Anakin was doing good, and he killed another guard that had been hesitating behind him. He snatched that lightsaber too, quickly, and put it to his belt so none of the guards could use it. Or, well, could, but he'd at least notice that happening clearer.

Eight guards turned into seven, and Ferus felt as determination took over, as the drug-like feeling of winning took over. He became more aggressive, and got to six guards. He backed a little, jumping over the body of the first dead guard, to gain more room for his moves. He was concentrating so hard it almost hurt his brain, but this was an important fight and he couldn't even risk being injured in the slightest. Sidious was their enemy, and Ferus knew that Sidious wasn't planning to give up too easily.

When he made his fifth kill, the Force warned him. Anakin warned him too. A choir of voices warned him.

"Look  _ out _ , Ferus!"

That made Ferus jump backwards with the Force, to gain time. He saw Sidious' apprentice run down, towards him, and Anakin fighting Sidious in turn.

This wasn't going to end well, that much was clear, but since when  _ did _ things end up well for them, anyway?

The apprentice was furious, not a trace of exhaustion on his face, although Ferus knew that he had to be a little tired. When you were fighting Anakin there was no way to hold back, unless you wanted to lose your head, that much had been clear since their time as padawans.

Ferus was panicking. The five guards left couldn't attack as much, because the apprentice required more space and was going in a pace they couldn't quite follow. Ferus himself was having trouble, and losing his balance. This was bad.

Anakin couldn't offer help, because he was fighting Sidious. Not that Ferus could even glance in his direction.

Another guard dead. Ferus had meant to strike the apprentice, but he'd moved out the way and he hit the guard instead. That meant four guards and one sith apprentice. Damn.

The apprentice stood back let him hit the guards every now and then, probably to catch his breath and then attack again. Ferus used up the breaks, attacking as hard as he could, and he was suddenly only fighting one wounded guard and the sith apprentice. The apprentice was so arrogant he didn’t even seem to care for the guards that lost their lives to Ferus. He couldn't say he was relieved, though, because the apprentice gained power from anger and was more aggressive with every strike. The last guard standing collapsed from exhaustion, and Ferus could feel his own weariness growing into a heavy weight on his shoulders.

He calculated one dodge wrong, and hissed in pain as the lightsaber touched his skin. That was enough of a distraction for the apprentice to destroy the guards lightsaber in his hand, and just barely not cutting off Ferus' hand.

Breathing became harder every second. Ferus was losing, he knew it, but he refused to give up just yet. Any second now he would make his own deadly mistake. Anakin's distressed yell didn't quite reach him.

Ferus Olin was losing, and he could do nothing.

Then it came. The hit to his side. He managed to stop the strike before it cut him in two, but it touched his side, burning away the tunic and his skin, and that caused enough pain for Ferus to collapse.

Through the blackness that was partly blocking his vision, he saw the apprentice smirk cruelly, and raise his lightsaber swiftly, about to deliver the killing blow. 

The apprentice's smirk froze on his face forever, because a lightsaber went through his body exactly on the spot of his heart. He slumped down in front of Ferus. Ferus looked up to see Anakin's sweaty face.

"Don't you fucking die on me," Anakin said with a quick, wavering smile before turning around to take on Sidious.

How, exactly, Anakin had made it in time while fighting Sidious, Ferus didn't know, but he didn't care. He tried to lift himself up, side bleeding worse. He saw the collapsed guard get up, ready to kill Ferus, but Ferus fought just as hard, his right side painted red, the material of his clothes sticking to his side. 

He stood up, swaying from side to side. He was alive, he was there. 

Ferus Olin ignited his lightsaber once more, and killed the last guard.

It was weirdly bright, and Ferus turned to see Anakin and Sidious. Red clashed against blue, and Ferus staggered closer to see. 

The pair was fighting at the top of the staircase, and Ferus realized that there was never even a question of who would win. The giant difference between Anakin's and Sidious' powers was so clear. 

Anakin Skywalker was winning, and the Force sung in Ferus Olin's ears.

"Jedi don't kill in anger!" Sidious screamed. "You're using the dark side!"

"This is war!" Anakin's thunderous voice replied. "I'm not holding back any powers to kill you, if that’s what you’re trying to say. Jedi are no more, I can use whatever powers I have."

"I could teach you the ways of the sith, make you more powerful than any being in the galaxy!"

"You're late, old man," Anakin answered. "I'm already far more powerful you could ever imagine. There's nothing you could teach me."

"Not even the power to save your dying friends?"

"I'm the son of the Force, Sidious. I've got it all. Can you say the same?"

"You were created by my master, Darth Plagueis! You're the son of the sith!"

"The Force allowed me, the Force is running in my veins. There's no room for sith in me. You've  _ lost _ , Sidious. The Force is one with me, on my side, and that's something you never had!"

The Force sung louder, approving Anakin's words, and Ferus almost fell backwards.

Sidious tried to use the Force to push Anakin backwards, but that Anakin answered twice as strong, the energy sparkling between them enough to light up the whole galaxy.

Anakin Skywalker is too strong for anyone to handle.

Obi-Wan Kenobi has appeared, staring at his apprentice.

Ferus Olin feels the Force gather around Anakin in a way he's never thought was even possible.

An explosion that only causes harm to one. The child of the Force stands.

A blue lightsaber.

A red lightsaber, that was no longer red, but a piece of metal lying on the floor.

A blue lightsaber.

A dark being.

A dark being, who saw blue.

Blue cut off the head of Darth Sidious.

Ferus Olin has lost too much blood to stand, and he falls.

It's not dark, it's never dark, it's blue, it's blue it's blue

"It's over," said Obi-Wan Kenobi, and it was over, it was over, it was over

The Force sung in Ferus' ears, gently, gently, softly, softly

blue blue blue blue blue

"I love you"

Peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!
> 
> (the sith apprentice? I figured Palpatine would get someone, so yeah. I don't really know who it is either, but he's dead so)


	3. 3 / Obi-Wan Kenobi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Empire has fallen, and our heroes get their well-deserved rest. The shadows of the past still haunt them, but together theyve found peace.
> 
> For now.
> 
> Through the eyes of Obi-Wan Kenobi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, this is Obi-Wan, then - and on time!
> 
> uh, I didn't have the patience to entirely proofread this, so if there's anything that makes no sense or is grammatically incorrect, please notify me!

Obi-Wan Kenobi was happy. Happy out of his mind. Maybe, just maybe the war had been worth it, worth this. He sat by the water, watching his friends play and swim in it. Rex had stayed out of the water, too, happily, and kept Obi-Wan company.

"It's going better, gen - uh, sir, isn't that right?"

Obi-Wan smiled fondly at Rex. He had asked Rex long ago to stop calling him general, or anything else besides his actual name, but it was a hard task after having followed the formalities for so long. Rex was making an effort, though, and Obi-Wan really respected that.

"I think so. I doubt we'll ever be… truly safe, but I think we're on the right path. The path to at least partial recovery."

Rex nodded with a smile on his lips. There was no doubt, Obi-Wan thought, that the past would be haunting them forever, but at least they were given some sort of relief, some sort of safety. Right now, things were really looking up.

Obi-Wan Kenobi had never thought that _ this _ would be his future. He was quite sure that even if someone had told him about this, he would've never believed. There were many things about this that were _ still _ quite unbelievable.

First of all, there were no Jedi anymore. It was something Obi-Wan couldn't quite wrap his head around. All of his friends, beings he'd grown up with, beings he had been friends with, beings he'd fought with - all gone. The order whose rules he'd followed, whose orders he'd taken, gone. The order had lasted an unimaginably long time, but Obi-Wan Kenobi just happened to be alive to witness its downfall.

He also managed to live to see the Sith fall.

And the Republic.

Everything had fallen apart in front of Obi-Wan Kenobi, and he was now witnessing as everything was slowly starting to rebuild. Everything, including their own lives that had been deeply affected, was getting better.

Not that Obi-Wan Kenobi didn't worry anymore. He was worried, of course he was. Worrying was a habit he'd developed as a child and kept along the ride, and now that everything seemed so much better he was afraid of letting himself believe things could actually improve. It was just that in this moment, all of his worries were hidden in the darkest corner of Obi-Wan's mind.

Anakin Skywalker, his biggest worry, got out of the water and jogged towards Obi-Wan and Rex who kept the bag that kept all of their stuff in it. Obi-Wan offered Anakin his towel, and Anakin gratefully took it, but not before wetting the cloth Obi-Wan and Rex were sitting on.

It was weird, how during the day everyone was so happy and light. In a matter of seconds, the matter of light turning in darkness, day turning into night, everything changed.

"Sir -"

"Anakin."

"- are we heading back?" Rex asked, being interrupted but not affected by Anakin's automatic correction.

"Probably. I mean, I'm ready to go. If you want to enjoy the sun for a little while longer, go for it, but I'm feeling a little… tired."

Obi-Wan knew that even now it was hard for any of them to admit any weakness, hunger, tiredness, pain, sadness… it was all something they'd desperately tried to hide in hopes of being good fighters, being perfect role models for each other. They should try to get rid of those habits, but it was all small steps. 

Rex had his own bad habits, too, Obi-Wan had noticed. He'd always ask someone before doing anything, not trusting his own judgement, sometimes still relying on their orders despite being on his own for so long. And, of course, he kept using their military titles.

Obi-Wan nodded. "Yeah, I must agree. Are you hungry yet, Rex? Because I sure am."

"Yeah," Rex said, visibly concentrating on not adding "sir" to the end.

Rex stood up and Obi-Wan followed suit. They quickly wrapped their things up and noticed that Anakin was already in his way back. Obi-Wan frowned before realizing it would be swimming time for the survived younglings in a few minutes. Anakin was very obviously avoiding all contact with children, any children, and for a reason.

Obi-Wan tried to think about something else as a distraction. The most awful thing that the two wars had left him were flashbacks. They hit him every now of then whenever some memory resurfaced in his mind. Pleasant or not. This one in particular was not pleasant in anyway, so Obi-Wan shook his head almost unnoticeably and tried to count the scars he had on his bare forearm.

Another thing Obi-Wan never expected was sharing a flat with Anakin after the war. Maybe he had been thinking about, sometime, what he'd do after the Clone Wars, but he never knew that continuing serving the Jedi Order wasn't an option. This wasn't too bad, though, especially because despite sharing the flat with Anakin, Obi-Wan was actually roommates with Rex. They slept apart, both on their own side of the room.

The whole building was full of former Jedi and soldiers of the rebellion. Rex was the only former clone, and at first Obi-Wan had been afraid that the Jedi would've held some kind of resentment towards him, but luckily none of that ever happened. 

Force, they were all so lucky to survive and see everything being made right again. Or at least an attempt of everything being made right.

* * *

_ > It was all so loud and bright, and Obi-Wan felt dizzy because of the sheer power in this room. The Force wasn't screaming, for once, but singing, singing, singing. He watched as Sidious and Anakin kept on fighting, heard Ferus' ragged breathing but once again Obi-Wan was unable to look away from the battle. He saw Anakin practically shine in blue, the Force a halo around him, saw how the Force made Anakin untouchable, saw Anakin kill Sidious and saw how Sidious' head fell down, and then felt in the Force a massive wave of something he couldn't quite describe. _

_ It was over, and suddenly there was a thump on Obi-Wan's side and he watched in horror as Ferus fell backwards into a pool of blood. The blood was suddenly everywhere, and Obi-Wan was just frozen in his place, the Force still singing in his ears - _

Obi-Wan was woken up by a horrifying scream, and this time it wasn't his own. It was normal, at this point, to be woken up in the middle of the night by a nightmare, it was practically something that happened nearly every night.. The only thing that changed was _ whose _ nightmare it was.

Mainly it was Anakin who woke them up, like tonight. He was the one feeling the hardest, and Obi-Wan felt so helpless watching his (former) padawan struggle with the past.

Rex was already sitting up, rubbing his eyes before sharing a look with Obi-Wan. His expression was grim, and they both got up wordlessly, because no words were needed. Obi-Wan pulled on a shirt before following Rex into the kitchen.

He decided to make tea. Rex was thinking the same, apparently, because he was already taking water into a kettle. Obi-Wan heard quiet talking from the room on the other side of the kitchen, and he knew that it wouldn't take long before they'd come to the kitchen, too.

Obi-Wan out four cups on the table. He listened as the water started to boil and stared at the tapping fingers of Rex. Then, he heard the floor creak, and Obi-Wan lifted his gaze to the door that opened slightly.

"Sorry," Anakin mumbled in a shaky voice. His face was red, and he was visibly shivering.

It had been a while since Obi-Wan had seen Anakin cry. Nowadays, like today, Anakin always waited until he'd calm down before showing up. Actually, during the past fifteen years or so, Obi-Wan had only seen Anakin cry twice. This time he was too tired to resist the flashbacks.

_ "Ferus! Dammit, if you dare die…" _

_ Anakin's face was turning red, and Obi-Wan saw how exhausted he was. Desperation was radiating from him. Obi-Wan himself was drained. Watching Anakin stare at Ferus' still form was making him even more crushed. They'd won, yes, but what were the costs? _

_ Tears were streaming down Anakin's face, and Obi-Wan wished from the bottom of his heart that he could help, but there was too much blood on the floor and too little blood left in Ferus' body. _

_ /\/ _

_ "He also told me about Senator Padmé Amidala's death, and said that it was Sidious that had killed her." _

_ It hit him hard. Obi-Wan almost fell backwards. Padmé had been a good friend, definitely. She didn't deserve an end like this, and on top of it all - _

_ "But… she was pregnant… did the child -" Bail Organa didn't, couldn't finish his sentence. _

_ Ferus nodded. "Yes." _

_ That, if something, felt like the building was crashing on Obi-Wan. He shifted his gaze from Ferus to Anakin, who was leaning against the wall, eyes tightly squeezed shut. The child Padmé had carried - had it been… could it - it was Anakin's, wasn't it? _

_ He felt large waves of grief roll from Anakin's direction, and he saw as silent tears fell down his face. Obi-Wan felt his heart break for his (former) apprentice. _

_ < _

"No problem, s… no problem," Rex said, stopping himself just in time.

Anakin stared at his empty cup. Ferus put his arm around Anakin's shoulders, consoling him and letting Anakin lean on him. The four of them just sat in silence, waiting for the water to begin to boil.

It was awful to see each other so sad and overall defeated. Of course, their demeanor would change when the morning came, but it could sometimes be too much, to wake up every night to either yourself having a nightmare or one of your best friends having one.

Rex was the first one to get the kettle of water. The pack with the actual tea was already on the table, and Obi-Wan reached for one. Ferus took two, because Anakin was sitting still, apparently lost in his thoughts.

Despite their nightly horrors, Obi-Wan was happy. This wasn't a bad future, at all. He got to see Anakin and Ferus slowly get closer to each other. He got to see the pair happy, got to hear their laugh, got to hear their awful jokes. Obi-Wan got to see Rex getting better, getting calmer and more… relaxed. Obi-Wan got to listen to Ahsoka's ranting about annoying politicians her girlfriend had met. He got to see younglings grow older freely, without the rule of attachment.

What about himself? Obi-Wan didn't really know. He sometimes felt like he was living on his friends' happiness, unsure how to find his own, but maybe he should accept that this was what made him truly, genuinely happy. After all, he didn't feel any need to find a partner for life.

Anakin and Ferus probably hadn't felt that either (Anakin had had Padmé and Ferus followed the code - except… Ferus hadn’t been a part of the order for a long time, Obi-Wan realized, so either Ferus wanted to hold on to it despite having parted ways, or then Ferus just hadn’t had any desires) but then the two of them bumped into each other on the day of order 66, and here they were. Obviously they weren't exactly lovers, yet. Anakin had still much to go through - the loss of his children (Anakin had once quickly mentioned that Padmé had been carrying twins) and the loss of Padmé was probably still hurting him. Ferus, on the other hand, was likely having a tough time letting go of the code he'd carried along for so long. Obi-Wan was facing the same problem; he didn't want to let go of the last remains of the Jedi.

Rex never expressed any need for anyone, either. He was seemingly happy with rooming with Obi-Wan, and the feeling was mutual, because Rex wasn't incredibly messy, like Anakin, and he had _ actual manners_.

_ So _ , Obi-Wan thought, - as Ferus took a rather large sip from the still way-too-hot tea and instantly spit it back, making Rex shake his head and Anakin giggle - _ maybe this is what makes me happy, then_.

* * *

There were good days and bad days. Obi-Wan would consider this a bad day. His head was full of memories he didn't want to remember, and it was kind of grey outside. Anakin and Ferus were playing a memory game, and somehow they'd managed to bully Rex into joining them. 

Obi-Wan was sitting by the window, a cup of freshly made tea in his hands. His flatmates knew that today Obi-Wan needed to take things slower than normal, so they didn't bother him, for once. They let Obi-Wan worry, because they knew that nagging wouldn't make anyone forget. Obi-Wan wasn't sure whether he should be grateful or sad that he had friends that understood his situation so well.

When he heard Ferus complain about Anakin being able to cheat with the Force without any of them noticing, a constant worry resurfaced. It was about Anakin, of course, because his incredibly odd former apprentice (and odd current brother) was always making him worry. Obi-Wan had sometimes felt like his whole life had circled around Anakin's, but when he confessed it to Anakin, he had just hugged Obi-Wan and told him that Anakin would never stop worrying either.

Still, the power Anakin held in his hands made Obi-Wan worry, and he knew that he definitely had all the rights to worry.

_ > "Anakin…" _

_ He got no reaction. Anakin was still, holding Ferus' limp hand tightly in his own, and his other hand on Ferus' forehead. Obi-Wan felt the Force pulse around Anakin (and that way also around Ferus) so strongly it practically made a shield between them and Obi-Wan. _

_ His throat was dry. He couldn't even lecture about attachment, because during the few years Obi-Wan had fought on Ferus' side had made Obi-Wan attached, too. Now, he could clearly see that Ferus was lifeless. Dead. _

_ Anakin was now completely unmoving and unnaturally still. The Force was beginning to stir even harder, and suddenly Obi-Wan realized what was going on. Anakin was - _

_ It was too late to stop anything, so he just stood and watched. _

_ Suddenly, Ferus seemed to move again. Anakin's knuckles were white, but Ferus finally squeezed his hand back. It was very quiet, until Ferus took a raspy breath. Anakin fell backwards, on his back, completely out of breath, and Obi-Wan realized that Anakin had stopped breathing, too, at some point. Anakin was unnaturally white, and Ferus' side seemed to no longer bleed. _

_ Anakin had defied death. What more could he do? _

<

Obi-Wan remembered Anakin telling him about it afterwards. He told how he'd found Ferus and gone through something and then suddenly Ferus had been alive again. Of course, it had taken an enormous amount of energy from them both, and Anakin had been unconscious for a day after fighting Ferus back alive.

Ferus himself never commented on it. In fact, Obi-Wan had never heard him mention it, ever. Maybe talking about your own death - or about how your stubborn friend revived you and dragged you back - wasn't the most comfortable topic for him.

So, it was the amount of potential Anakin had that worried Obi-Wan. He was afraid it would get out of hand. Thus far Anakin had never used his peculiar abilities wrong, at least not so that Obi-Wan knew of it, and it made Obi-Wan very proud.

The attachment rule, he mused, was rubbish.

Obi-Wan would never regret raising Anakin. He would never regret growing up along the ride. He would never regret growing attached to his friend. He wasn't afraid to call the thing between him and Anakin "love". Anakin wasn't afraid to do so, why should Obi-Wan?

The pain of being alive, of remembering, was awful, sometimes. It drained all of the energy out of his body, and made him a living ghost.

Sometimes Obi-Wan had a nightmare so awful he accidentally lost his control of the Force and made things in his and Rex's room float or break. Those nights, he stayed up trying to tidy up the mess he made, usually with the help of Anakin, who woke up every time one of them has a nightmare.

Sometimes Rex had a nightmare where he still had the chip that forced the clones to do what they did, and cries. Those nights, Rex didn't sleep. Obi-Wan didn't, either. He's pretty sure that Ferus and Anakin were awake, too.

Sometimes Ferus had a nightmare so bad he had to go for a walk in the middle of the night. He needed fresh air to fill his lungs. Those nights, Rex and Obi-Wan stayed awake with Anakin and waited for Ferus to come back.

Sometimes Anakin had a nightmare so incredibly violent, his mental shields came down and the whole building woke up because his emotions crashed over the edges of Anakin's carefully built walls. The whole building was awake, those nights, no one slept. 

Days could be bad, sometimes, and so could nights. They stuck together, though, and that's what mattered.

* * *

"No, you won't."

"Why?"

"Because I say so. Absolutely not."

Obi-Wan makes his way into the kitchen, listening to the bickering coming from one of their two bathrooms.

"What're they arguing about?" he asks Rex, curiously.

"The gene… Anakin was thinking about growing a beard. I think."

"Anakin? A beard? I think not," Obi-Wan chuckled, and Rex grinned.

"I was just messing with him," Anakin informed them as he appeared into the kitchen with an incredulous Ferus on his heels. "I'll stay clean shaven - don't worry, old men, your beards will stay the only ones in this household."

"Old men? Anakin, last I checked, Rex was younger than you."

"Correct, sir."

"Ferus."

"My point still stands," Anakin said and shrugged.

"Aw, do you think you're old? You're just -"

"38. I know, no need to remind me of my age."

"Well fucking cheers," Ferus muttered, and Obi-Wan could never _ not _ be surprised when Ferus swore. It felt so out of character for him, even after all of this time. "I should be the one having a crisis here."

"You? I cannot agree. I am the eldest here, keep in mind, young ones," Obi-Wan said drily. "56."

"Can't agree with that, either. My life expectancy is much shorter than any of yours, so I'm the one on a border of a crisis if anyone," Rex pointed out.

"Exactly. Anakin, you're the youngest here. Relax."

"Ferus, I'm not even much younger than you and your hair is already going grey."

"Why are you being so mean to me?"

Anakin laughed lightly and ran his hair through Ferus' hair. "Don't worry, apparently I'll keep you young, since I'm the young hipster guy of this group."

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes and shared a look with Rex. It was never a secret that Ferus liked Anakin and the other way around. He’d found it odd, sometimes, that they never seemed to move forward from this phase, that they never took it any further.

Maybe he had the wrong picture of a relationship. It's not like the Jedi were an excellent source on information for that topic. Not all relationships necessarily meant sex and kissing all the time. Now that Obi-Wan thought of it, Anakin and Ferus did everything else but those two things. Well, they also_ might _ kiss in their room, and maybe they didn't, but Obi-Wan would rather not think about that too much.

Obi-Wan knew that this was the point where the two would forget about everything else but each other, so he motioned for Rex to join him for a walk. He loved walking and talking with Rex - Rex was a clever man who had seen and heard a lot during his life, and it was very interesting to talk with someone who had another perspective to offer.

With Rex, they would often go through old things, sometimes going as far back as the Clone Wars. It may not be very healthy, to keep on going about the past, but Obi-Wan found it soothing. He had something solid and unchanging that he could trust. He, better than anyone, knew that the past could not be changed, no matter how much you wanted to. Obi-Wan had hundreds of regrets, but he was coming in terms with them. Slowly.

Other times they might be talking about the future, about what changes would occur, what events could happen right on the next day. It terrified Obi-Wan, how easily everything could turn around. Any second now, their whole situation might fall apart, and there was nothing he could do to save it. He’d told this to Rex, one dark night after a particularly rough nightmare, and Rex told him that he always feared some aftereffects of the chips still existed. That he’d lose his freedom, like the other clones.

Back during the Clone Wars, years ago, all of this madness had been just a few steps away, but they could've never expected it. What more did the galaxy have in store for them?

* * *

When they got back, they didn't get past the hallway before Anakin was already hugging Rex. Obi-Wan jumped despite sensing Anakin. It was a reflex he knew he wouldn’t be able to lose in a long time.

"Hi," Anakin said with a bright smile, before moving onto Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan was taken aback; he was not expecting such a warm welcome. He hugged back just as tightly, and smiled at Anakin nonetheless. Over Anakin’s shoulder, he raised his eyebrows at Ferus standing behind Anakin. Ferus just shrugged as in _ “no idea”_.

"Why such warm welcome?"

Anakin didn't answer. His happy smile turned into a sad smile, and Obi-Wan knew Anakin was sensing something in their near future. With his constantly growing powers, Anakin had begun to sense things that would soon happen. He couldn’t always say what was to come, but usually he knew the nature of it - whether it was good or bad. Obi-Wan didn't dare to ask about it - neither did Rex or Ferus. Was it selfish, to let Anakin carry whatever it was alone? Maybe, but Anakin wouldn't tell them even if they asked, that much he knew for sure.

The rest of the evening went smoothly, as if nothing had changed, but something about the Force was amiss. It was a feeling Obi-Wan couldn't quite explain - it was, maybe, sort of sad, but full of grief. Happy grief. Something so much more.

The later it got, the more affectionate Anakin got. He was constantly hugging or leaning on one of them. When it was time to go to sleep, Anakin had pretty much wrapped himself around Ferus. He seemed a little… afraid, even, and it was definitely making Obi-Wan nervous. He watched as they walked into the bathroom, and Obi-Wan sighed. He glanced at Rex, who also had a grim look on his face. Something was going to happen.

* * *

The emergency comm went off in the middle of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!


	4. 3.5 / the Skywalker Twins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two of them always stood by their father. No matter what.
> 
> (- even if they weren't born.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello! we're almost done, just one more coming after this!

Luke and Leia never left Anakin. They cared, they did. They cared so much the two of them could never  _ not _ exist, even if they weren't actually born. They grew up as a part of the Force, year by year.

As toddlers, they were only mentally helping. When Anakin was panicking, afraid of failing, Luke and Leia would appear, giggling or making other noises. Anakin was moved to tears when they said their first words.

As small children, Anakin cut them out a lot, because he didn't want then to see the raging war between the Rebellion and the Empire. A while later, the twins started to help him, because they felt their father was starting to be too lonely. Too isolated. Too lost.

And help they did.

* * *

_ Watching as Jyn Erso was shot scared them both. Luke watched in terror as their father froze. If he stayed still for too long, he might die. Even if dying was the only thing that would bring Anakin truly to the twins, it was way too early, the Force told them so. _

_ "Go! Move!" Leia shrieked, and Anakin visibly jumped _

_ Their father was back in action, and Luke could let out a sigh of relief. He took the hand of his sister in his own. _

_ "That was too close," Leia mumbled shakily. She was so afraid of failing their father, of failing the Rebellion. _

_ Luke hugged her. _

* * *

_ Anakin was staring into the distance, and seemed very deep in thought. Luke was a little hesitant. He didn't want to interrupt anything. _

_ Leia, the braver one of the two, took the form of herself first, appearing as a blue, ghostlike figure. Luke heard their father gasp from surprise. His blue eyes were wide, and happiness was radiating from him in waves. _

_ "Leia?" _

_ Luke took his form as well. _

_ "Luke, too?" Anakin asked, acting surprised despite having sensed Luke come closer. _

_ Their father's warm and happy and safe presence flooded them. It made them both dizzy, how much love was targeted towards them. Unconditional love. Luke lost all of his doubts and fears instantly. _

* * *

_ Leia is used to impossible things happening around her father. This was something she hadn't expected, though. Her father managed to make her solid enough for a hug. It was just for a blink, before she was a ghost again, but her skin prickled and she felt so happy. She'd only ever been hugged by Luke and the Force, but that was different. Just now, her own father had hugged her. Despite it requiring energy from his part, he'd managed it. And Leia was happy. _

_ Luke got a hug, too, and in a dark part of Leia's mind she wished they could have their father completely. That they weren't ghosts trailing behind him half of the time. She knew it wasn't her father's fault that their mother died. It could never be. It didn't stop her from wishing, though. _

_ Still, these small moments were enough to make Leia feel love. _

* * *

_ Anakin had proudly told Ferus about his children. It didn't hurt Leia; she sort of wanted them to be his father's secret, but at the same time he wished that their father wasn't the only person she could love. The feeling was so good, and she ached for it. _

_ Now, she was going to meet Ferus. Sort of. Rationally, she knew Ferus wouldn't be able to see them, either of them, but maybe he'd feel them? She really hoped so, because this meant so much to his father. _

_ Watching Anakin and Ferus interact created a funny feeling in the out of Leia's stomach. It made Luke a little worried. They had always had each other, and they knew each other inside out, because they never had anything else except Anakin. Maybe that was why Leia was afraid of losing Anakin to someone living. _

_ It turned out Ferus could feel them. He was in awe, and Leia was happy, because she wasn't just an illusion created by his grieving father, but a real being that just never got the chance to really live. She was one with the Force, and proud. _

* * *

_ Their father needed help, Luke could sense it. He narrowed his eyes, before realizing the situation. There was no way they could stop time so Anakin could catch his ship. _

_ There was another stupid idea forming in Luke's head, and in his opinion, it was brilliant. And cunning. Yes, it did require impossible things, but this was their father they were on about: Anakin could pull of anything. _

_ "Follow the sith!" _

_ Anakin frowned. "I won't make it there -" _

_ “Please, try!" _

_ Anakin did. The twins watched as Anakin reached to the Force for a boost and practically teleported forward, he was so incredibly fast. Then his use of the Force dimmed - he was nearing the apprentice and his ship - and Luke chuckled as his father sneaked onto the ship of the sith and flew off the Death Star. _

* * *

_ The twins watched, in awe, as their father fought the sith. Leia was squeezing Luke's hand really hard. They were frightened by the fight between Ferus and the apprentice. _

_ Luke knew how much Ferus meant to Anakin. If he died, things would really go downhill. Unlike Leia, Luke was really happy that Anakin and Ferus were close. But if their father lost Ferus... Not even the support the twins offered could save him, at that point. _

_ When the apprentice left Anakin and attacked Ferus, Luke felt his insides turn cold. Leia gasped next to him. _

_ "Look out!" they yelled in unison with Anakin. _

_ Anakin used his practical teleportation again. One second he was on the top of the stairs, another he was down, killing the apprentice and saving Ferus' life. For a while. _

_ A while later, Sidious was defeated. A while later, Ferus died. _

_ "Come on, we have to meet him," Leia whispered, pulling Luke away from staring at their stricken father. _

_ Ferus looked lost. He recognized Luke and Leia, but didn't smile. Ferus was just standing still. _

_ "Did I -" _

_ “You're one with the Force, yes," Leia interrupted, because she hated every word related to death. _

_ "Father's coming," Luke whispered, and felt shocked. That shouldn't be possible. _

_ "Anakin? But he…" Ferus became even more distressed. "Did he - no, he couldn't have, but it shouldn't be possible, right?" _

_ Anakin's presence seemed to just strengthen, until they noticed a figure. A shining blue figure. _

_ "Ferus? Come back. Please." _

_ "I… can't. Can I?" _

_ "You can. I'll help. I promise. Trust me, okay?" _

_ "You won't die if we do this, though?" _

_ Luke smiled to himself. Ferus was a clever man, asking the right questions. _

_ "No." _

_ Ferus took Anakin's hand, and turned to see the twins again. Anakin looked at them too, and despite Luke's longing, and hoping Anakin could stay, Luke could see that Anakin was way too alive to stay here. _

_ "You'll be here when I come back?" Ferus asked softly, a smile on his lips. _

_ "Of course," Leia promised with a thick voice. _

_ The duo left, and the twins could feel the hard battle for their lives begin. Luke wrapped his arms around Leia. _

* * *

_ The twins had watched as Anakin lived happily with his friends. They saw how they left the military, only available for emergencies. The twins were there, dancing around Anakin, sometimes talking with him, sometimes just… being. _

_ The twins were there and watched as their father woke up, hands trembling, when the emergency comm started beeping. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!   
(I've already got a new story on the way - it's nowhere near finished or anything, but still I got something)


	5. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's one challenge left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the final one, here you go :)

Anakin is full of love and peace and everything. He knows that something is going to happen very soon. He knew it before the comm started beeping, before they heard that they were needed for one last time.

Now he's got another emotion to add in the mix. Fear. Anakin swallows, looking at the ground he's standing on. That's where he's headed, underground. There's a prison the sith made, a prison that holds in former Jedi that for some reason weren't executed instantly, and younglings that were supposed to be trained in the ways of the sith.

It's Anakin's mission to free them all. There's also a lot of guards, down there, but they're supposed to somehow defeat them all. It's quite a mission impossible, a mission almost surely leading them to death, but the estimated amount of prisoners down there is so big they just have to try. Also, children. They can't leave innocent children die there, either. Anakin can’t do that, because he knows how important children are - Luke and Leia mean so much to him. He has to help. That’s his duty as the chosen one.

This mission, if successful, could end the last pieces that remained from the Empire. If they came out successful, this could be the real end. Or the real beginning. Depends on the angle.

Anakin can't stand still. It feels like every second he  _ isn't _ with someone goes to waste. That's why he keeps in chatting with Rex, keeps on hugging and bumping his shoulders and just  _ touching _ his three friends, who seem a little confused by his behavior but don't comment. The wait is ripping him to pieces, the tension cracking like electricity in the air. They have to wait until it's dark - or at least darker than this - for whatever reason.

He senses another familiar presence. Anakin turns to see Ahsoka Tano, his former padawan. Her face is unreadable, but he can sense both joy of reunion and guilt from her. Anakin doesn't want to analyze it too much, and instead of saying anything he just wraps her into a hug. Whatever Ahsoka has on her mind would reveal itself soon enough.

"Hi."

Obi-Wan, Ferus and Rex come to meet her too. Anakin feels her guilt just grow. Maybe he should ask.

"Are you all going… down there?" she asks.

The lack of "too" gives her away. Anakin isn't angry or disappointed. He knows that Ahsoka's young, that Ahsoka doesn't want to lose the life she's had to fight so hard for. Actually, Anakin feels proud of her. The decision must've been though, and choosing to not risk everything is, in Anakin's opinion, a very respectable choice. He knows he can trust Ahsoka to take good charge of everything up here.

"Yeah," Rex answers carefully, and he obviously know something is amiss, too. 

"Oh. I, uh, volunteered to help… here. Hera and Caleb are here too, and, yeah." She waves her hands around half-heartedly. "I really hope everything goes well with you. I really hope… that I'll see you again soon."

"Thanks, Ahsoka," Anakin says and flashes her a genuine smile. He's got many words to say, but for some reason nothing comes out.

Ahsoka leaves, and Anakin tries to keep his senses off. He's a little terrified of what's to come, and he doesn't need the Force to reveal him anything. Anakin is pretty sure he'll manage without knowing. Everything has been going suspiciously well for the past year or two, after the defeat of the Emperor. After the fall of the Empire.

"Rex, want to walk with me?" Anakin finds himself saying.

Rex agrees, of course, and Anakin can feel they’re in a hurry, somehow. Anakin leads them away from the most crowded are before he starts talking. Then, he finds out he can’t find anything to say. There’s too much to explain, too much to tell, and Anakin can’t find words good enough.

"Something is going to happen, right?" Rex asks, carefully. He's a smart guy. He sounds a little… afraid, almost, and Anakin knows why. Things are going so well, and it’s inevitable something is going to happen very soon.

"Yeah, I think. I have this… feeling."

"Is it… is it going to be good, or…"

Anakin wishes he knew. "I'm not entirely sure. It's a mix of both. It's both good, and, it's also bad."

"The Force isn't spoiling anything, then," Rex chuckles.

Anakin lets himself laugh briefly. "What do you think? About this, ah, mission?"

"Honestly? This is… the odds are against us. I'm not doubting our survival, but the rescue… will turn into a bloodbath, no matter what, sir."

"Anakin."

"It's unavoidable that we'll suffer losses, and that's nothing knew, but I'm not sure if we can actually rescue those prisoners. We know too little about the place, we have too little resources."

"I agree," Anakin sighs. "But I guess we already agreed. One last time, right?"

"One last time."

"And Rex… this isn't goodbye, in case you get that picture, but, uh, you're, the best friend I've ever had. You always had my back then, and you still have it now. And I'm happy for that."

Rex stops walking for a moment. "Likewise, general. Former general. I'm glad to have fought by your side back then, I'm glad to be on your side now."

They stand in silence, and Anakin realizes that the sun has started to set. It’s making the grass of the planet look golden instead of green. He feels a lump in his throat, but stays quiet. Rex's low voice breaks the silence.

"I've always regretted not listening to Fives."

Anakin raises his eyebrows in surprise. Of course he'd never forget about Fives, but he had never thought about the warning. "Oh, yeah. Oh."

"He was right. It seemed so impossible at the time, but he was right."

Slowly, Anakin puts his arm around Rex's shielded shoulders. It's been a long time - well, a year, at it's best - since the last time those shoulders were covered by armor. This would be their last battle. After this there shouldn’t be any more big battles left to fight. Only the remains of the old republic to be built again. The rebuilding, though, was not something for Anakin to worry about. Or Rex. Or any of them. After this fight, they’d truly be free.

When they find their way back to Obi-Wan and Ferus, it's almost time. The golden shade has turned into a little darker shade of gold.

"We start going in very soon," Obi-Wan explains quickly. "You know the plan B, right?"

They nod. Plan B is to retreat and just blow up the place, and let the ceiling collapse and kill everyone that still lives. It's the most merciful way to lose. There's no way to get any help to the ones imprisoned, and they'd just starve to death without ever seeing the sun again.

Ferus is nervously walking in circles. Anakin finds himself feeling lost. What can he do, now? He stares at the sun - not  _ directly _ at it, of course - that keeps going down. His insides twist, and finally the comm device on his wrists shoots to life, at the same time as Ferus'.

"Generals Skywalker and Olin, please come to the opening. The operation is about to begin."

Anakin nods quickly to both Obi-Wan and Rex before leaving with Ferus. The feeling keeps growing, the closer they come, and he's almost fully trembling at this point. 

They meet Ahsoka on their way. Anakin hugs her again, and tells her quickly how he loves her. Then, he and Ferus continue their way through the golden field of grass.

In that moment, the realization hits him. The sun is still visible, but not entirely anymore. The sky is a show made of colours, and Anakin is squeezing Ferus' hand in his. They are alone in the field, a few hundred meters away from the way down. Anakin looks at Ferus, takes him in. The golden stream of the sun is making his black hair shine, and half of his face is lighted up beautifully. His eyes, that reflect the sky and the sun, turn to look at Anakin as Ferus notices he's being stared at, and the mouth curves into a beautiful smile.

This is Anakin's life. Anakin wishes he could keep this moment, that he could keep this beauty, this light, somewhere, but he knows he can't. 

The two of them reach the hole that leads to the main entrance - to the only entrance they know of. It's very dark, there's no light, and Anakin turns to look at Ferus again. And then at the sunset. And then back at Ferus. Anakin can see Obi-Wan and Rex - they'd followed them here, apparently. They hug each other again, and Anakin finds his hands trembling badly.

"May the Force be with you," Obi-Wan says, looking Anakin in the eye, and for a second they're so many years in the past, just the two of them, and Anakin feels strong again.

"And with you."

His and Ferus' journey down begin. They're the ones that enter first. It feels a little wrong, though. Somehow Anakin had thought he'd be going in with Obi-Wan. His life as a free man started with Obi-Wan, he wants Obi-Wan to be here now, too, on the journey to their last fight.

Not that he's not happy with Ferus. Anakin loves Ferus with all his heart. He loves Obi-Wan, Rex, Ahsoka, Luke and Leia, too. This is his life.

Anakin feels a wave of something from Ferus. He turns to where he  _ knows _ Ferus must've stopped, and hugs him again. Ferus' hands squeeze him desperately. He's scared, Anakin can feel it. They're pretty much walking into the unknown with a weak plan. Anakin's afraid, too. He presses a kiss on the top of Ferus' head, and hears his muffled laugh.

This is Anakin's life. It's pretty damn amazing.

The darkness around them fades a bit, and they reach what they think is the lowest floor. It's lit with small lanterns, and Anakin smells the old air. It's tainted with the smell of death, and Anakin is shivering. 

Guards notice their presence, and the show starts. Soldiers that marched down behind them open fire, while Ferus and Anakin shoot forward to free the prisoners. Anakin feels his body pulsing with energy, and he runs to where he thinks the younglings are located. That was the part of the prison Anakin was supposed to save.

Anakin is very powerful, he knows it. He doesn't have to stop to kill, just a quick flick of his wrist is enough to sent a guard flying against the stone wall hard enough to crack their skull.

He stops at the first cell he finds and destroys its door with his lightsaber. The teenager inside squints at the bright blue light and crawls against the wall.

"Jedi? You finally came for us? Are you a jedi?"

"The Empire has fallen," Anakin tells her. "I'm Anakin Skywalker. You can trust me."

"Skywalker? As in the Chosen One?" the girl sounds amazed. "Force, is this real?" 

"Yes. You have a Force inhibitor, don't you? I can take it off."

"Yes, yes, yes please!" the girl cries out. "Please, please master Skywalker, please!"

Anakin does as told (although he’d like to object that he was never actually given the rank of master and so should be addressed as  _ knight _ Skywalker), and the girl staggers out of her cell, seemingly overwhelmed.

"You need to wait until I've freed the others here, okay? And if you know more cells around here, please show the way."

The girl knows a lot, and Anakin falls into a routine. Destroy the door, destroy the inhibitor, help the poor child out carefully, tell them supportive things, tell them the Empire and Sith have fallen. Then he stumbles onto a teen twi'lek.

"If you're a jedi, I'm unwilling to join you," he says steadily. “After I’m out.”

"Then it's your lucky day, I'm no jedi. Jedi are no more. Sith are no more. You're free, we're all free," Anakin replies, offering his hand. “You can do whatever you want when we’re out, but if you want we can help you on your feet first. It’s your decision, though.”

  
The twi’lek smiles at Anakin - the first prisoner to smile - and nods. Anakin is almost surprised by how easily the youngster takes the information. Anakin himself sure would’ve freaked out.   


The twi'lek's arm is very thin and Anakin is very careful when grabbing it as he helps the teen to the place where the others are resting and waiting. As they reach the narrow hallway, the twi’lek visibly relaxes.

"Cilla," the twi'lek breathes, and a girl around his age comes and hugs him very tightly.

Anakin continues with his job. With every step, every breath, he's more terrified, it's coming closer, it's coming closer, and he doesn't know where Ferus, Obi-Wan and Rex are. He's so afraid. It's so dark.

He's almost done with his fifth and final corridor, with the help of the strongest youngsters, when his comm device makes a scratching noise and he hears Obi-Wan's voice with a lot of background noise.

"Plan B! We can't get everyone out! Return immediately! They have some own self-destruction system, and it's started!"

The teens freeze, and look at Anakin. Anakin gave them hope. He can't take it back, ever. Anakin knows that no matter what he’ll get the children out.

"Where will it collapse first?" he asks with a strained voice.

"It's already started. The main hallway, the one where you’re supposed to escape from. We can keep freeing the east side for now, but you're about to be trapped. Run, okay? Anakin, now!"

Anakin doesn't reply, and closes the comlink. The Force is urging him to move, to do something, and so he does what he does best.

Saves lives.

"Keep going."

"But -"

"_Trust_ _me_, okay?"

No one says anything to that, and they continue freeing the final corridor of this side. It takes a lot longer than Anakin wanted it to. Then, they hear a loud crash, a giant one, one that hurts Anakin's ears and makes the ground beneath them tremble. Some of the kids around him panic, but Anakin is feeling calmer than ever. He’s got this, for once.

The last child trapped in this hellhole is freed, and she's in such a bad condition Anakin has to carry her. They start making their way back, through the dark and moisty corridors, narrow hallways, past the dead guards, until they're at the giant wall of stone that blocks them from ever getting back.

"Master Skywalker…" begins the male twi'lek. 

"Hold her" is Anakin's reply as he hands over the small figure in his arms.

The Force. He needs the Force.

"Anakin! The whole place is about to collapse, they’ve put emergency explosives all around the ceiling! Are you safe?" Ferus' voice screams, and there’s so much background noise Anakin can barely hear him. "We'll be trapped here; Obi-Wan, too. I love you, okay?"

Then it's quiet, and Anakin feels in how big of a rush he is.  
  
There’s some noise on the other side, and one of the eldest teens whispers “the ceiling is falling down!”   


Anakin stares at the stones in front of him. He knows what he has to do. He knows the aftermath that will follow. He feels in the Force that this has to happen.

Anakin Skywalker throws himself into the Force. He lets the power fill every single part of him, he lets his own feelings disappear from the feeling of power. His life is in the Force, now, completely.

The wall lifts up easily. Although it’s too dark to see anything since the stones roof partially collapsing made the lamps break, Anakin feels the crashing weight of the stones in his mind, but that doesn't make him let go. He can't speak, he doesn’t dare, the pain he can’t yet feel in his head is growing, but the children understand. They run to the opening as fast as they can, helping each other, and then crawl beneath the wall without a second thought. It warms Anakin’s heart that these young beings trust him already.

Anakin follows them, sweat dripping down his forehead as he crawls under the wall. The wall is almost three meters thick, making it a long way to go. When he's absolutely certain they're all on the other side, he lets the stones drop back. Another loud bang, again the ground beneath them moves. Somehow Anakin doesn't feel exhausted at all. Instead, he's lighter than ever. The Force is keeping him together.

"Go up, that path," Anakin orders quickly, his voice steady, and shows them the path up.

The ceiling is indeed coming down. Anakin won't allow it. Every explosion caused by the self-destruction mechanism up there is held back by Anakin - and the Force. Instead of it feeling harder each time, Anakin keeps on feeling lighter. His feet move faster, his body is obeying him perfectly. Every stone that comes even close to falling, is held up-

He's in a hurry. He needs to stop the ceiling from collapsing on Ferus and Obi-Wan and every soul on the other side of the next wall he found. He needs to help even more. There’s more stones to lift up, to keep up, to take care of.

Everything is in his mind. Anakin can't think, because in his mind, he's holding everything together.

This time, lifting the wall of stone takes no effort at all. He lifts it up and keeps it up, easily. Like every other stone that tries to fall down, Anakin is keeping the wall up. The Force is  _ blazing _ around him. The sheer power is making his body tremble. 

He knows that despite  _ feeling _ amazing, Anakin sure doesn't look the same. His face is covered in sweat, and his limbs are all trembling. His breathing is what it is, and overall, he's pretty crushed under the ridiculous amount of weight. The Force keeps his mind together, but physically, it can’t help. It can block the pain, though, and that’s enough for Anakin.

Anakin's mind is light, and it's even lighter when he sees - feels - the amount of lives he saved. Those lives run from the other side of the wall he's keeping up. He distantly hears Obi-Wan's voice

_ “Anakin, what are you doing -" _

and Ferus'

_ "Anakin, please, you can't -" _

but doesn't let go. He can do this. The pressure on his mind is gigantic, but he's the Chosen one. The child of the Force. He can do this. Anakin Skywalker can do this.

This is Anakin Skywalker's life. It hurts. It hurts like hell, yes, but that's life.

He watches as other lives rush past him. Although unable to feel it, he's tired, exhausted, and unable to control himself, which means he can sometimes see a whole life story flashing past him. Anakin notices the corners of his vision turn blue. He waits.

Ferus and Obi-Wan don't leave him. He isn't sure where Rex is.

He waits.

"It's all clear," he hears Rex shout, and it's done.

With the help of the trio, Anakin makes it to the cave that leads up. He breathes in, and lets the stones crash. The noise is horrendous, and now the prison doesn't exist anymore. It's gone, buried under the stones. 

Everything else crashes on Anakin, too.

Anakin can't walk, so Obi-Wan carries him.

Anakin can't speak, so Ferus speaks for him.

Anakin can't cry, so the newly freed teens cry for him.

Anakin can't hold anyone's hand, so Rex holds his hand for him.

Anakin has to see the sky again. He has to feel the grass beneath him. He needs to see.

He feels the wind against the side of his face. It's not as strong as it should be. He feels the grass as he's laid down, but it doesn't prickle him as much as it should. He sees the sky, and the stars. They're exactly as bright as they should be.   
  
He’s laid down next to the weak girl. Anakin knows that though the small amount of life inside him isn’t enough for actually living, combined with what’s left in the girl it might just be enough.

The voices around him aren't as loud as they should be. Anakin's cheeks are wet.

Obi-Wan Kenobi is crying next to him, holding his hand, clutching it desperately. Ferus is speaking, his lips are moving in a fast pace, but Anakin can't register any words. His body feels so light, but his eyelids are heavier than anything.

"You can't go yet, you're too young, please, please, stay, I need you, we need you, I love you, please,  _ please _ , Anakin, please…"

This is Anakin's life. Anakin is fading. Fading away.

No, not away, that's not right. Anakin Skywalker will be what he once was: part of the Force. He'll be united with his children.

Anakin's life will be ripped away. Away from Rex, away from Obi-Wan, away from Ferus. That hurts.

Fading.

Into blue.

Voices.

"Obi-Wan… you're… the best brother ever," Anakin hears his own voice say, strong and full, as if nothing had happened.

"Rex, you're still the best friend ever," Anakin continues. "And this time… the picture is right."

His eyes stop to look at Ferus.

Ferus Olin, the boy he hated.

Ferus Olin, the smartass of their class.

Ferus Olin, the teen who left the Jedi Order.

Ferus Olin, the friend he made during the time of loss.

Ferus Olin, the man he loves.

Ferus.

Anakin Skywalker can't live. He used the Force too much, he used energy he didn't have, he gave too much. It was worth it. He saved children. Anakin couldn't save Luke and Leia, or their mother, but Anakin had saved these prisoners.

Anakin Skywalker sucks at goodbyes. He has to say goodbye, once again. 

"I love you all," he says, but doesn't look away from Ferus.

He isn't entirely sure what Ferus is to him. No word could exactly describe it.

"Ferus Olin… you're the best," Anakin settles on, and attempts a smile. "I'm sorry I'm breaking the promise."

Anakin Skywalker is wet with tears, most of them not even his own.

Anakin Skywalker is fading.

The Chosen One gave himself to save the say for the last time.

Ahsoka is near, but Anakin can't see her.

Anakin Skywalker is fading.

He can hear Luke and Leia, they're in his head, and soon he'll be with them for an eternity.

It doesn't sound too bad. It's not living, it's just being, having no sense of time, being one. Being the Force.

Anakin Skywalker is no longer tired.

Anakin Skywalker is fading.

"I love you I love you I love you I love you -"

He isn't sure who's speaking. Maybe it's his own voice.

Does it matter?

He offers the living energy inside him to the girl next to him, and hears her start coughing.

Anakin Skywalker is one with the Force, almost.

It's blue.

It's safe.

It's soft.

Rest.

Anakin Skywalker completed his life.

Anakin Skywalker lived.

Anakin Skywalker loved.

"I love you."

Anakin Skywalker can't live anymore, so his friends live for him.

Anakin Skywalker can't love anymore, so his friends love for him.

Except… no.

That doesn't sound right, Anakin Skywalker thinks 

\- as the blue takes over and his own bright blue eyes, that only just were fixated on Obi-Wan Kenobi's face, become unfocused and unseeing -

I won't stop loving just because I die.

Anakin Skywalker never stops loving.  
  


> The End >

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!


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